Tour de Farce: Chris Froome attracts drama to the bitter end

With the women pro cyclists going down like skittles on the slippery cobbles of the Champs-Elysees during their La Course race earlier in the afternoon, it was music to the yellow jersey’s ears when race director Christian Prudhomme declared that the official stage 21 race times would be taken on the first crossing of the finish line some 70km and 10 laps from the actual end of the Tour.

Such a bold decision was easy to understand as the rain lashed down on the riders in the suburb of Sevres as the peloton edged towards Paris so slowly that many feared it would be nightfall before their arrival.

Froome’s Sky team-mates were wearing special limited-edition versions of their kit, with a yellow stripe replacing the usual blue to make their third Tour de France win in four years.

To the untrained eye unfamiliar with the bizarre protocol of the Tour’s final processional stage, an eight-man breakaway featuring only Sky riders was currently blowing the peloton apart and sending further shockwaves through the sport…

Tongues started wagging and soon the inevitable comparisons came through regarding the team of another former mass winner of the Tour whose team-mates also had a knack of riding together off the front on the Tour’s final stage.

Of course, this was all so Froomey et al could pose for the cameras and quaff down a few glasses of bubbly ahead of their dinner at the Hotel Crillon in Paris later in the evening (or breakfast, at the rate they were riding).

Some of the Sky riders had perhaps already got on the sauce while warming up on the rollers…

Having nursed his good friend through the crowds on Alpe d’Huez, imagine the shame of then bringing down Froome on the outskirts of Paris all because suspect bike handling on the booze?

To be fair to Richie Porte, he hasn’t exactly had much experience riding with his arms off the handlebars in celebration before…

Intriguingly, the race organisers decided to hand Froome a glass of champagne on a slightly uphill section of cobbles while the rain was still coming down – as if they were inviting him to have a wobble.

Froome awkwardly held the glass up for the cameras but refrained from taking a sip. It’s fattening stuff, after all. But he was soon all smiles when he crossed the finish line for the first time and his win was all but confirmed.

Of course, all the yellow jersey had to do now was complete the race – and with the rain ceasing and the most famous boulevard in Western Europe drying, surely that would a piece of – well, what some fans love to throw in his face.

Not so. First up, Froome had to change a wheel because of a flat tyre. Then he had to change his special yellow bike because he’d caught what looked like an orange Sainsbury’s plastic bag in his rear derailleur.

It this Tour has proved anything it’s that Froome should expect the unexpected – and this bag joined the long list of things that have stunted his progress (from urine to rabid old men, bits of asphalt to bidons hurled by short-sighted Italians).

But Froome, you see, understands the honour of the yellow jersey – he said just that in his winning speech on the podium. There was no way he was going to sit up and coast the last couple of laps – he wanted to respect the yellow jersey and the efforts he and his team had made over the previous three weeks.

So he fought back on to the back of the peloton – and even a rogue water bottle didn’t stop his progress when he rode over it at top speed.

So you can imagine just how, well, peeved and non-plussed he must have been when, after completing the final back straight of the Champs-Elysees, he was almost felled by a protester covered in a white sheet who had wandered out into the peloton in the middle of the Place de Concorde…

If that sounds too unlikely then watch for yourself right here…

A better angle can be seen on this Tweet – which shows the peculiar, almost ghostly apparition from above before Froome avoids the guy by a whisker.

If that wasn’t enough, Froome then had to deal with Peter Sagan after the green jersey winner opened fire on the podium…

Still, it’s an improvement on Sagan’s bum-pinching antics – even if the new double Tour champion clearly didn’t approve.

And if Froomey didn’t get to sip any of that champagne while in the saddle, you can bet you bottom dollar that his key lieutenant made sure he partook in Sky’s subsequent celebrations…

Although Froome is conspicuous in his absence at the neutral start of this unofficial stage 22... No doubt on the phone to the hotel reception to find out what's happened to his bed sheet.