Tour de Farce: Hipster magic but Pinot tragic

Grizzled Geschke’s gritty victory provided a much needed boon for biking beards after a series of unsavoury circumstances that have stricken the follically fantastic at this year’s Tour.

Nacer Bouhanni’s withdrawal in week one somewhat emasculated the Tour’s resident Dothraki in Geoffrey Soupe while the cocaine positive of shaggy Italian veteran Luca Paolini did little to end the lazy stereotyping surrounding men and their facial hair.

Perhaps the most astonishing thing of all was that Geschke managed to take the win without running any red lights or stopping for a cortado. He also did it on a borrowed bike with actual gears while being forced to eschew his preferred skinny jeans because of the fierce Alpine heat.

By holding off the smooth-skinned Andrew Talansky on the final climb to Pra Loup, Geschke became the first bearded rider to win a stage on the world’s most famous bike bonanza since Mark Cavendish in one of his lazy phases following his initial separation from Mark Renshaw, his old barber at HTC.

Such is the prodigious growth of Geschke’s furry chinstrap that many commentators believe it to be something the 29-year-old picked up in a local fancy dress shop.

Although, clearly, a big shout out must go to his team sponsor Alpecin for maintaining the ginger luxuriance of the facial furbelow.

Asked if he would shave off his beard now that he had won a stage on the Tour de France, Geschke vowed to keep it until he became a GC contender. So we can expect to see a lot more of the hirsute German in the pro peloton in the years to come...

And from a stage winner with a beard to a man who stands a better chance at growing a beard than winning a stage… and Peter Sagan was once again on the offensive in Wednesday’s stage 17.

Sagan – described as the “strongest rider” in the race by his manager Oleg Tinkov – was present in a flurry of moves early on in the stage to ensure he was part of the day’s main break for the fourth stage in a row.

Perhaps his special Wolf of Wall Street-style chest pump would later be used as part of an elaborate celebration, rather than resigned self-commiseration?

Meanwhile, pocket Hercules Nairo Quintana showed his cards early with a dig on the first of five climbs of the 161km stage from Digne-les-Bains – much to the delight of one rival team manager.

Quintana could have been inspired by the fact that his race number was the same as the man who ended Eddy Merckx’s yellow jersey rein with a historical win at Pra Loup 40 years earlier?

Race leader Chris Froome had a novel approach to dealing with these incessant early breaks, the Kenyan-born Britain trying to use his sway as the peloton’s patron by calling a prompt time-out.

Such a tactic was scorned by Tinkoff-Saxo duo Alberto Contador and Mick Rogers, who stepped on the pedals and rode clear of the Sky-led pack with 75km remaining.

The increase in pace was the last straw for one ailing American, with Tejay Van Garderen calling it quits and clambering in the team car with some kind of mystery illness - later confirmed as a respiratory infection.

When it came to the moment we’d all been waiting for, the protagonists did not let us down. Trailing lone leader Geschke over the top of the Col d’Allos by roughly the time it takes to fix the perfect espresso, Thibaut Pinot pushed things a little too far on the notorious descent, which he himself had labelled “the most dangerous in France” in a rest day interview with L’Equipe.

Pinot forgot the rule about pedalling through a tight corner, clipping his left pedal and touching the tarmac at speed – although he could well have also been dazzled by the bright green graffiti emblazoned across the road.

Up he got, but flat white Pinot proceeded to descend like Michael Rasmussen in polka dots, allowing a steady stream of riders whom he’d dropped on the way up pass him on the way down.

He was not the only rider to come a cropper, with Alberto Contador reportedly hitting a pothole and coming off his bike. The Spaniard then had to change steeds with Peter Sagan for the rest of the descent, before cutting a forlorn figure at the top of the final climb more than two minutes down on his rivals.

To make matters worse for the Tinkoff-Saxo camp, Poland’s Rafal Majka – one of the riders in the break – apparently flouted order from directeur sportif Steven de Jongh to wait and help pace Contador to the line.

There could be interesting scenes around the Tinkoff dinner table on Wednesday evening…

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In a nutshell: A relentlessly mountainous day with four minor ascents ahead of the Col de Glandon, the stunning 18 hairpin bends of the Lacets de Monvernier and a downhill finish in the Maurienne valley.

History: It's the first time the Lacets de Montvernier have appeared in the Tour and only the second time a stage will finish in Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne, with Frenchman Sandy Casar victorious the last time round in 2010.

Believe it or not: While Alpe d'Huez has 21 hairpin bends in 13.9km (an average of one every 600-odd metres) the Montvernier lacets - or shoelaces - come at a rate of 18 in 2.5km (that's one every 140 metres). From above, the snaking road looks like a giant's ladder carved out on the side of the mountain. It should provide an ideal springboard for the victory today.

Did you know: The first climb of the day, the Col Bayard, and the towns of Corps and La Mure, as well as the start town of Gap, are all on the Route Napoleon - a route taken by the French emperor in 1815 on his return from exile on Elba during the infamous 100 Days, which were ended in defeat at Waterloo.

Look out for: Statues of the French Imperial Eagle on the side of the old Route Napoleon in the opening half of the stage.

Plat du Jour: Prune tart - or Tarte de Champsaur - is popular in these parts but the stage finishes in Savoie so it would be amiss to overlook a Tartiflette made from local pungent reblochon cheese.

Tour tipple: Savoie Persan is an old red grape variety from the Maurienne valley responsible for blood-red wines that are complex and full-bodied, with peppery aromas of candied peel and stewed fruits. With less than 10 hectares (25 acres) of Persan vineyards in existence, this is very much a rare wine with novelty value in buckets.