The Warm-Up: The Carabao Conspiracy, Arsenal AGM turns nasty
Today's Warm-Up is brought to you in association with South Western Trains - who you can blame for the late publication.
FRIDAY’S BIG HEADLINES
The fix is in?
Even more intriguingly, Donald Trump has held back the publication of thousands more documents under pressure from the CIA and the national security apparatus - precisely the people who are believed responsible for the assassination by many amateur sleuths. The remaining documents will be reviewed over the next 180 days though, and could well be released when April rolls around.
In a fortunate bit of timing, then, a whole new conspiracy theory is fermenting, ready to take on the JFK mantle. Yes, on Thursday there was huge controversy around the draw for the quarter-finals of the Carabo Cup. (Bear with me) The draw was supposed to be live streamed on Twitter but was delayed due to “a minor technical glitch at Twitter HQ”.
Oh yeah?? You expect us to believe that, man???
And get this, while fans were desperately refreshing their feeds for any news, we then discovered that dad banter merchants Phil Tufnell and Matt Dawson had been doing the draw behind closed doors as a “pre-recorded video” was then posted on Twitter.
Wake up, sheeple!!! Open your eyes to the truth!!!!!
- Chelsea v Bournemouth
- Arsenal v West Ham United
- Leicester City v Manchester City
- Bristol City v Manchester United
A little too convenient perhaps??? Do you take us for fools?!?!?
The cup will go on, with ties to be played the week commencing December 18, but The Warm-Up will personally not rest until it unearths some Zapruder footage of Matt Dawson plucking warm balls from a bag.
The truth is out there!
Arsenal Director Stan Kroenke (L) and Arsenal chairman Sir Chips KeswickGetty Images
Sir Chips Keswick might sound like the name of a Dickens character, an Old Etonian merchant banker with a benevolent soul, but in reality the Arsenal chairman is just an Old Etonian merchant banker with an unpleasant line in condescension.
When said audience member explained they wanted to hear the views of majority shareholder Stan Kroenke, who was in attendance but keeping his mouth shut, Sir Chips replied, “read the Daily Telegraph” - a reference to an interview Kroenke had given to the newspaper.
It’s bad advice at any time, unless you like your news refracted through the lens of the 1950s, but Arsenal’s non-billionaire class of shareholder didn’t really appreciate being spoken down to in such a way. So you can add PR to the list of things Arsenal really aren’t very good at. Excellent work all round.
Real Madrid win match
La joie de Marco Asensio et des Madrilènes après l'ouverture du score du Real contre FuenlabradaGetty Images
In the only notable bit of football last night, Real Madrid beat Fuenlabrada in the Copa del Rey. Zinedine Zidane put out his reserve team and they needed second-half penalties from Marco Asensio and Lucas Vazquez to earn their first-leg lead.
The only other thing to say about this match is that it was played in a stadium named after Fernando Torres. Huh.
IN OTHER NEWS
The Warm-Up has nothing but love for Lukas Podolski tweeting out clips of hilarious bookings from his matches in Japan. Did that.. did that player lamp his own keeper in the face??
" I don't like persons from Big Brother who are famous for no reason. How did this make their country or their family proud? This is easy fame. I came from a background where we didn't have bread. I know what it's like to live with money and no money. Fame and money, step by step, is better"
IN THE CHANNELS
Pedro Caixinha was sacked as Rangers manager on Thursday - so hats off to BT Sport for producing a compilation of all the times Chris Sutton said he would be rubbish, and absolutely revelled in it. Sutton may have one main trick but he does it ever so well. Hugely entertaining.
PSG v Nice is the pick of the Friday football, kicking off as it does at 7:45pm on BT Sport. However, let us quickly remind you that on Saturday it is the final of the Under-17 World Cup with a resplendent England team taking on Spain, the team who beat them in the final of the U17 European Championship earlier this summer. It’s live on Eurosport and Eurosport Player from 3:30pm!
Last seen lingering suspiciously on a grassy knoll, Adam Hurrey is on Monday Warm-Up duty...