A (transfer deadline) day in the life of... Ed Woodward

4pm After talks start in the morning with Real Madrid, after months of waiting for the Spanish club to actually bid, a fee is agreed. It then becomes a matter of David de Gea agreeing terms with Real, and there’s talk of Keylor Navas being included in the deal.

6pm After an hour of twiddling thumbs, Ed Woodward slides a piece of paper with a number across the table to the Real Madrid representatives, with RONALDO? next to it. Real shake their heads.

7pm Navas is finally persuaded that he should leave Madrid in order to move for Manchester United, and make a fist of his career elsewhere. Personal terms start to be discussed, and Woodward turns his attention to further possible recruits: Antoine Griezmann, Bafetimbi Gomis and Hakan Calhanoglu are all discussed, and bids are drawn up, ready to be sent tomorrow.

7.30pm With everything going to plan, Woodward relaxes, and starts pairing up some of his socks that he keeps in the office for days like this, when he has to work long hours.

7.45pm Woodward phones his favourite journalists, and true to his reputation as a talkative and friendly man, lets them know that United are working on three signings, and expect to have a forward arrive at Old Trafford at some point on Tuesday afternoon. He confirms the details of the De Gea deal, and explains that Navas is anticipated to be going the other way.

8pm Woodward sends off a £70 million pound bid to Bayern Munich for Thomas Muller. It’s his sixth bid for the same amount, for the same player, and he crosses his fingers.

8.30pm Sends another bid off for Ronaldo, this time by the FIFA system, just to make sure the system is working. While he’s there, he sends another off for Muller, and another for Gareth Bale.

9pm With the De Gea and Navas deals progressing, Woodward instructs his colleagues to start preparing the necessary documentation for the transfers. Woodward doesn’t want a repeat of Real Madrid’s error in 2013, when they failed to send the details over in time for Fabio Coentrao’s transfer to United.

9.45pm With a few minutes to spare, Woodward pings off a couple of bids for Ronaldo, and chucks in one for Neymar, at £150 million. He calls up a few journalists to let him know, but they all seem a little reluctant to run with the stories again this transfer window.

9.46pm Looks up a recipe for sausage rolls. Ed Woodward absolutely loves sausage rolls.

10.35pm Realises he’s been looking up sausage roll information for the best part of an hour, but can’t resist a flick through the Argos catalogue just in case there’s anything he could use for the home office.

10.47pm Asks for the price of Antoine Griezmann and Marco Reus, and is surprised when the figures quoted are more than £20 million each, and laughs in disbelief - they might both be talented, he thinks, but they’re hardly Anthony Martial are they?

11.00pm Notices the computer with the TMS info has gone onto standby. He lets Real Madrid know that he’s ready for the details to be put in, and he’s sorry for any delay. There’s plenty of time for everything to get done though.

11.01pm Woodward waits.

11.46pm He’s still waiting

11.56pm Real Madrid enter the necessary details for their part of the transfer. Woodward gets started on his side of the deal.

11.59pm Woodward sends over the details to Real Madrid, as agreed, and switches his phone off. He emails Van Gaal and the Glazer family to let everything has gone as planned, sends De Gea a farewell message, and wishes him the best of luck.

12.05am Turns his phone back on for one last look at his emails, and he sends off another few bids for Muller, Bale, Ronaldo and Neymar. Forwards the email to a few journalists with the header, “Tomorrow’s headlines????????” He leaves the phone on his bedside table, and fails to notice it’s only got 6% battery left.

5:45pm After a quiet morning Ed Woodward notices his phone has been dead since last night, and he puts it on to charge.

5:47pm Woodward notices he has 700 emails, mainly from Florentino Perez and Jorge Mendes, and gets an unerring sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

5.49pm Puts in a restorative bid for Ronaldo and Bale, just in case, and feels much better about himself.

5:50pm And Muller.

5:51pm Bale again.

5:59pm Takes a sip of whiskey, prepares his excuses, and brings up a list of people he needs to call and speak to: Louis van Gaal, David de Gea, Jorge Mendes and the paper journalists.

5:59pm and 22 seconds Just time to put in a few more bids for Real, assuming Real are on their game with the TMS software.

[STORY: Real Madrid concede defeat, blame United for De Gea collapse]

[STORY: United fire back over David de Gea's failed move to Real]

[STORY: Why did the De Gea deal fall through?]