Lionel Messi v Cristiano Ronaldo: Who is the greatest this week?

Messi: After a hat-trick against Valencia, Messi might have hoped to ring up his goal tally once more against a Levante side who had conceded nine times in their previous three outings. But the little Argentine drew a blank for the fourth time since the turn of the year. Of course, Messi has been about much more than just goals this season. He has diversified - like a footballing equivalent of Tesco, offering up a mobile phone network and a bank alongside his groceries and goals. The latter aren’t quite as readily available as they once were, however.

Ronaldo: It’s rumoured that for every goal Ronaldo scores he opens a door on a specially made advent calendar-type thing. Underneath every door is not a chocolate, but a protein pill, with every door/goal counting down the days to the next Ballon d’Or ceremony. But after a goalless display in Sunday’s unconvincing 2-1 win over Granada no more doors were opened. Oh well, he’ll just have to make do with a blood transfusion instead.

Messi: This display didn’t say a lot about Gary Neville. His Valencia side rolled over quicker than Ed Chamberlin caught in the middle of a Monday Night Football debate, conceding seven unanswered goals at Camp Nou on Wednesday. Levante - Valencia’s supposed runt sibling - put up a much stronger defence, restricting Messi to the odd dribble from the halfway line. It’s not even as if Levante rode their luck in keeping the Argentine off the scoresheet. Messi never even looked like picking up the pen to scrawl down his name.

Ronaldo: With every game that Gareth Bale misses, Ronaldo is forced to accept his place at Real Madrid. Sure, he’s still the guy whose shirt adorns the most mannequins, with Florentino Perez still his biggest fan. But without his Welsh frenemy, Ronaldo just isn’t the same player. Bale remains sidelined through injury and in his absence his importance to Real Madrid is underlined with every passing game. Just when you thought Ronaldo couldn’t get any poutier.

Messi: They were bound to hit the wall at some point. Having scored 12 goals in their last three matches - played over the space of a week - Barcelona started in much the same vein of whirlwind tenacity against Levante. Bets were already being taken on whether they could crack double figures for the first time this season, but then the inconvenience of mortality got in the way. Fatigue appeared to hit Luis Enrique’s side - and hard - with the Catalans holding on for spells, against a team rooted to the foot of La Liga table. Whether it was down to fitness, their packed schedule or something else, this was arguably Barcelona’s worst performance of the campaign so far.

Ronaldo: After everything, Zinedine Zidane’s Real Madrid might not be that different to Rafa Benitez’s after all. Los Blancos’ problem wasn’t racking up heavy home wins - like they have recorded under Zidane - but maintaining such performance levels on the road. Real have now played two away games under their new manager - against struggling sides - and floundered in both. Granada looked set to take a point from the game, and were probably good enough to do so, before Luka Modric struck a stunning 85th-minute winner. Zidane’s Real Madrid, just like Benitez’s, have their troubles away from the Santiago Bernabeu.

Messi: The Catalan press have a new darling. Yes, Messi is still to Barcelona newspapers what Kate Middleton is to the Daily Mail, but Luis Suarez is somewhat overshadowing the Argentine at the moment. Suarez, Spain’s Uruguayan crown prince,” read one headline, highlighting just how impressive the striker has been for Barca so far this season. And he hasn’t bitten or racially abused anyone either, which is always a bonus. All the while there is guarded concern over Messi’s absence from training on Monday, although Barcelona insist it was only precautionary and there are no worries regarding his fitness. And why would they lie?

Ronaldo: The knife was pulled out of Ronaldo last week following his hat-trick in the 6-0 mauling of Espanyol. That didn’t stop the Madrid press from plunging it back in him this week, though. The free kicks were just the start of his decline,” one journalist pointed out, adding that his overall game is completely off” at present. Next week they’ll probably be tipping him for the Ballon d’Or again.

Messi: With Messi missing from training on Monday, speculation as to the real explanation was sparked. But is it possible that he simply pulled a sickie after staying up late to watch the Super Bowl? After all, he’s a big Steph Curry fan - who in turn is a big Carolina Panthers fan. Or maybe he’s a big Coldplay fan? Pep Guardiola used to play Viva La Vida to his players before games at Camp Nou, so maybe the Argentine got a taste for cliche-driven rock music for wussies that way. Or maybe he just hates Mondays as much as the rest of us.

Ronaldo: At least Ronaldo will always have his trophies (and Jorge Mendes). He might have toiled his way through Sunday’s clash against Granada, but he picked up the Pichichi for another season in the evening, flanked by his bronze super agent best buddy and the rest of his suited and booted entourage. If Ari Gold ever needs a new group of glitzy showbiz friends with no self-awareness to latch on to, he should probably stop by Madrid.

So for the next seven days Ronaldo is the greatest footballer on earth, despite turning in one of his worst performances of the season. Fortunately for him, Messi was just as bad. And that is the true mark of the world’s best player - not being as bad the rest.