Battle of the Bosses: Klopp's pathetic excuse, Jose's expert trolling

Big Sam v Pep. It was the footballing equivalent of Danny Dyer and Sean Penn coming up against each other in the same Oscars category. But while the latter is undoubtedly more skilled, better equipped than the former, every so often a Mean Machine comes along to trump a Last Face.

That didn’t happen this time, however, with Guardiola’s Manchester City side thumping Allardyce’s Crystal Palace to edge closer to a top-four finish. It’s not that Big Sam was necessarily out-tacticked, it’s that he was out-everythinged. There wasn’t one area in which Palace could get near City. They were dominated from start to finish.

Having beaten Palace three times this season to a combined scoreline of 10-1, Pep probably wishes he could face Allardyce every week, even if that meant sharing a can or two of John Smith’s with him after the game rather than the customary glass of wine. Europeans don’t do bitter, especially ones with such exquisite knitwear.

You’d think by now Liverpool would have figured out how to break down teams that sit deep upon visiting Anfield. You’d think by now Jurgen Klopp would have worked out the issue. Well, maybe he has. Perhaps it was down to the playing surface all along.

“I know people don’t want to hear this but the pitch was really dry,” he said after Sunday’s goalless home draw with Southampton. “We gave it all the water we had but, because of the wind, it was really dry.” Klopp also complained that the sky was too blue and that the air was carrying too much oxygen. Liverpool didn’t stand a chance.

It was 13th time lucky for Arsene Wenger on Sunday, finally getting one over Jose Mourinho in a Premier League match for the first time. The Man Utd boss wasn’t about to let his old adversary forget just how many attempts it had taken him to win, though. “The Arsenal fans are happy and I'm happy for them,” he said afterwards, holding back the Cheshire Cat grin. “It's the first time I leave Highbury or the Emirates Stadium and they're happy.”

“I left Highbury, they were crying, I left Emirates Stadium, they were crying. They were walking in the streets with their heads low. So finally today they sing, they wave their scarves. It's nice for them.” It could have been sweat dripping from his brow as he said it, but most likely it was sarcasm.

The Premier League is in need of a new defining feud with Mourinho v Wenger going somewhat stale this season. There were no touchline shenanigans between the pair on Sunday, with the two even shaking hands at full time. It’s as if they’ve lost all regard for the #narrative.

Maybe Jamie Carragher can become Mourinho’s greatest adversary in the modern age, with the Sky Sports pundit calling the Man Utd manager’s away game tactics “embarrassing.” What’s truly embarrassing though is that after all this time Carragher still isn’t very good at working that giant iPad.

Aitor Karanka left Middlesborough a long time ago, but their relegation (confirmed with defeat to Chelsea on Monday) was on him. Caretaker boss Steve Agnew might have officially taken Boro back down to the Championship, but there is no doubt over whose door the blame lays at.

Karanka sucked the life out of Middlesborough, turning them into the most insipid outfit in the league. Scoring just 26 times in 35 outings, they stood no chance of avoiding the drop, so while Karanka is no longer in a job, and a 3-0 away defeat to the de facto champions is no real disgrace, the former Boro boss more than deserves his place in this section this week.

Wenger wasn’t the only French person with their future as a public leader on the line on Sunday, with the Arsenal boss sharing the taste of victory with Emannuel Macron after his side’s 2-0 win over Manchester United. Defeat would have all but ended the Gunners’ hopes of finishing in the top four, but the weekend’s result means they still have a chance of keeping Wenger’s 20-year Champions League streak going.

Of course, things are far from rosy for Wenger, even after the win over United. Arsenal’s hopes of finishing in the top four are still slim, with six points still separating them from City. They might have to turn to the dark side to get there, which is just as well because Hector Bellerin is looking more and more like Kylo Ren with every passing game.