The Warm-Up: Welbeck and Elniesta stop Arsenal doing a Barcelona

In a heart-stopping, jaw-dropping, brain-frazzling week of pure ridiculousness which has shown football in all its unadulterated glory, the one team you felt certain would join in the madness would be Arsenal. And they so very, very nearly did last night in Moscow.

The parallels with Barcelona v Roma were ominously clear: with a 4-1 lead from the first leg, a 3-0 defeat would send Arsenal out of the Europa League. But not for the first time, Arsenal were incapable of living up to Barcelona and in the event managed to go 2-0 down before narrowly avoiding disaster. One night when being Barca lite was no bad thing.

A 6-3 aggregate win might seem healthy enough, but after Fydor Chalov and Kirill Nababkin had exploited some unconvincing defending to have CSKA 2-0 up after 50 minutes, Arsenal were rocking like a table on the Titanic. Aleksandar Golovin fired just wide and Arsene Wenger was inches from disaster. But then came the moment of relief: Danny Welbeck drifting in from the left, receiving a quite sublime return pass from Mohamed Elneny and firing into the top corner.

Strangely enough, the whole night was summed up by the unlikely figure of Elneny. It was the Egyptian who was moved into a back five at half-time as Arsenal panicked, and then quickly moved back when CSKA scored a second. That tactical muddle seemed to say everything about Arsenal’s inability to get their head around the game. But then he pierced the defence to set up Welbeck, and assisted Aaron Ramsey for Arsenal’s second.

It is not for nothing (well, maybe…) that everyone (well, a few people on Twitter) have now taken to calling him Elniesta (lol). But Barcelona didn’t make it to the semi-finals. Arsenal have, just about. Football, eh?

There were 17 goals across the four matches in Europe on Thursday night as the Europa League picked up where the Champions League left off. Perhaps the most stunning outcome saw Red Bull Salzburg go behind to Lazio on the night, and 5-2 down on aggregate, only to score four goals in 20 minutes and win 6-5 across the two legs.

Further drama was in store in Stade Velodrome. Marseille were 1-0 down from the first leg against RB Leipzig and went 1-0 down at home inside two minutes. Somehow, though, they were 2-1 in front just seven minutes later and went on to win 5-2 on the night, 5-3 on aggregate.

Oh, and Leipzig sent their keeper up for an injury-time penalty and PLAYED IT SHORT!! This allowed Marseille to run down the other end and score, leading to these remarkable scenes as their victorious players watched the replay with goalscorer Hiroki Sakai:

In the event, Atletico Madrid managing to lose 1-0 at Sporting to sneak through 2-1 on aggregate barely registered on the radar.

Has football ever been as entertaining as it has this past week?

Everyone who’s made a joke on social media about Harry Kane desperately claiming his goal against Stoke (definitely not The Warm-Up, no siree, not even one, promise), and swearing on his daughter’s life as he successfully appealed to the Premier League goals accreditation panel to up his career tally by one at Christian Eriksen's expense, should all be taking a long, hard look at themselves this morning.

Mauricio Pochettino said in his press conference on Thursday that the tidal wave of jokes at Kane’s expense have upset the striker, who hasn’t appreciated being at the centre of the kind of Twitter pile-on that is usually reserved for reprehensible figures like Piers Morgan.

Arsene Wenger is more popular in Moscow than he is in Islington.

He got a present and everything!

Just *look* at this goal. Bet he’s gutted he isn’t dodging pitch invaders at the London Stadium.

One of the great players and great football men of modern times has completely s*** the bed with his unhinged criticism of referee Michael Oliver, who quite rightly gave Real Madrid that injury-time penalty on Wednesday night and then sent off Buffon for his stupid reaction. Buffon has come out with some utter nonsense in the wake of the match, effectively suggesting that Oliver shouldn’t have given the spot-kick because Juventus did so well bringing it back to 3-3 on aggregate (oh, and suggesting the ref has “a rubbish bin instead of a heart”).

You could just say it’s Buffon being a bad loser but words, and actions, have consequences, especially when it’s one of the most revered players in the world involved. Buffon’s inability to contain himself has helped to establish a febrile atmosphere in which things like this are apparently acceptable:

No thanks.

This is an excellent use of social media by Crystal Palace: Wilfried Zaha tackles head on those suggestions that he dives. “I used to get annoyed,” says Zaha, before seeming to get a bit annoyed as he recalls all the comments he gets on social media from people who don’t get it.

The comedown kicks in with only Aston Villa v Leeds United to keep you entertained until the weekend. That’s on Sky Sports at 7:45pm. But fans of administrative procedures turned into full-on jamborees can enjoy the Europa League draw from 11am, followed by the Champions League draw at 12pm. Fans of Arsenal and Liverpool, look lively.