Football news - The Warm-Up: RB Leipzig miss their chance

Well, the week wasn’t all bad for Borussia Dortmund. Sure, they lost to Bayern at home, a defeat that likely ended the title race. But misery loves company, and the rest of the Champions League-chasing pack were just as feeble.

After Leverkusen lost on Tuesday, and Gladbach could only manage a draw, Red Bull - or to give them their official name, RasenBallsport - Leipzig had the chance to leapfrog Dortmund into second place … but when they opened the can it exploded and went all over their shoes. That despite Hertha Berlin’s goalkeeper Rune Jarstein doing his level best to help them along.

Sometimes “He’s chucked it in!” is used for effect. Not here. He’s literally chucked it in. The stadium was already quiet, but it definitely got quieter.

In an act of grotesque moral cowardice, the goal was awarded to Patrik Schick, who took the shot. But we know the truth. Jarstein knows the truth. And honestly, he should own it. Own goals are beautiful things, and those responsible should be proud of the beauty they created, even if they didn’t mean to.

Luckily for Hertha’s hapless keeper, Leipzig were down to ten men at this point, and so were unable to hang on to their undeserved lead. One penalty later and things were all square at 2-2, and there they stayed. Between them, four teams chasing the three remaining Champions League spots managed a princely two points. Could be a fun few weeks, this. More mysterious incompetence, please. And more, many more, own goals.

Another step forward for the Premier League’s Project Restart, the coronavirus plan that is more important than the others because it has a cool name. Following a unanimous vote from all 20 teams, full contact training — tackling, hugging, dance-offs, the works — in groups of up to 10 will resume immediately.

The decision came on the same day that the Premier League announced the results of their latest round of testing. Four positives from 1,008 tests, with three clubs in total affected. This makes 12 positives in total since testing started, a number that has forced the Warm-Up to admit that we don’t really know what a good number is.

Presumably 12 is well within acceptable boundaries, since Project Restart is chugging ahead. But if the Premier League had announced “Four positives yesterday, 12 in total, we’re shutting this thing down,” we’d probably have said “Hmm, yes, sounds sensible”. As with much of this crisis, the working out has been a little opaque.

Still, hopefully they know what they’re doing. But there’s another danger on the horizon here: Which Manchester United player will return to training, only to get immediately wiped out by a rambunctious Phil Jones? He’s been cooped up for months, the poor lad, roaming around his house and clattering through the back of his furniture. Soon he will be free. Soon—

Oh, of course. It’ll be Paul Pogba, won’t it? The narrative hungers.

It’s official: professional soccer will be soon be returning to the USA. And frankly, the Warm-Up is delighted that somebody has decided to actually have a go at one of these all-in-one-place isolation tournaments.

With only nine constituent teams the National Women’s Soccer League can be a little more flexible than some competitions. Accordingly, they will all decamp to Utah for a month-long 25-game tournament beginning at the end of June. There will be a round-robin to eliminate the ninth-worst team, and then a straight knockout for the last eight.

Which should be pretty good, right. No fans, of course, but that’s a given. Hopefully we end up with something that has the rhythm and intensity of an international tournament, not to mention the hilariously in your face sponsorship. Also a mascot.

Wait, wait, wait! A mask-ot. Get it? A little mask with arms and legs, keeping everybody safe. Doing a little dance. Maskelyne the mask. Handing out anti-bac. Doing her dance again. Haunting your dreams for years to come.

Of course, the Bundesliga isn’t all hilarious incompetence. There’s some lovely stuff being played as well. Here’s Christoph Baumgartner flicking the ball around the corner in delightfully casual fashion.

Continuing our brief mini-series of Barcelona beating Manchester United in Champions League finals, it’s nine years to the day since the 3-1 at Wembley. This was United’s third final in four years, and Barcelona’s third in six; a proper coming together of two dominant powerhouses. Which Barcelona won comprehensively. That sainted front three scored a goal apiece, and didn’t they look pleased doing it?

Over on The Athletic, a sensation: Phil Hay has been spending time with one of Don Revie’s infamous dossiers. It appears that Revie’s obsessional, information-heavy style, though not to Brian Clough’s taste, was years ahead of its time.

If you’re really in the mood, and can find a way to follow it, Stuttgart are playing Hamburg in the 2.Bundesliga. Or you could put your feet up and take a well earned break. Following all this football is exhausting and we’re all out of practice.