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Kevin Coulson
By
Kevin Coulson
Updated 03/08/2016 at 20:56 GMT
21:54
That was a devastatingly bad game - well done one and all. Rooney is now taking the mic, and he says:
"Alright stop, collaborate and listen, ice is back with my brand new invention, something grabs a hold of me tightly, flows like a harpoon daily and nightly."
Inspiring stuff. Goodnight!
90+2'
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Full-time: Manchester United 0-0 Everton
90+2'
Bit of possession from United and Young finds Rashford on the left. With no space in front, he knocks it back, and Young measures a cross into Robles' hands.
90+1'
There shall be two added minutes. Has a testimonial ever ended 0-0 before?
90'
Darmian crosses from the right and Memphis throws himself into an overhead kick, then thinks better of it, mid leap.
90'
698,423 green bottles, hanging on the wall. 698,423 green bottles, hanging on the wall...
88'
Still, at least this happened.
87'
"As this builds to a thrilling climax". Darren Fletcher actually just said that.
85'
Young breaks through the middle and finds Rashford, who nashes down the inside-left channel. He spreads to Mata, and he opts to scoop a ball for Mkhitaryan, whose only option is to nod back to Robles.
84'
There is even less happening than before. I'd go next accurate pass wins.
81'
Fellaini tries to shove Gibson as they await a long ball, they tangle, he falls, and intimates pain. But there's no accordant fuss, and he gets up again.
80'
This game is so bad it's bad.
78'
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Koeman is not at all chuffed with United's decision to play on, and Mourinho isn't impressed either. He is replaced by Davies.
76'
Besic goes down following a tackle with Schneiderlin and United play on, Rashford sent away. Eventually, the ball is crossed at Fellaini, who knocks down for the onrushing Mata. 12 yards out, more or less dead centre, he insists on using his left foot when the ball is on his right, and the split-second he needs to adjust allows Funes Mori to block.
76'
This second half is eve worst than the first, no mean feat. Credit where it's due and all that.
74'
Romelu Lukaku is seen laughing in an aghast kind of way. It therefore follows that he was seen laughing in an aghast kind of way.
72'
Fellaini charges at Cleverley, who smacks the ball downfield, so Fellaini, never one to waste a journey, leaves a foot in. Not sure what his elbows have done to deserve such disrespectful treatment.
71'
Memphis checks inside, away from Oviedo, and flings over a cross towards Fellaini. And it's a good one too, but just to strong.
71'
Memphis runs at Coleman. It doesn't work out for him, but is noteworthy nonetheless because we've seen so little of that kind of thing.
70'
Roberto Martinez is the new manager of Belgium. I imagine there will be much Twitter hilarity, but they need someone who'll allow them to play with freedom and enterprise. Good appointment, I'd say.