The Warm-Up: The Carabao Conspiracy, Arsenal AGM turns nasty

Friday is a huge day for conspiracy theorists the world over with America’s National Archives releasing 2,800 previously confidential files centering around the assassination of John F Kennedy. The contents of said files are still being examined by media organisations and the people who make YouTube videos about the temperature required to melt steel beams.

Even more intriguingly, Donald Trump has held back the publication of thousands more documents under pressure from the CIA and the national security apparatus - precisely the people who are believed responsible for the assassination by many amateur sleuths. The remaining documents will be reviewed over the next 180 days though, and could well be released when April rolls around.

In a fortunate bit of timing, then, a whole new conspiracy theory is fermenting, ready to take on the JFK mantle. Yes, on Thursday there was huge controversy around the draw for the quarter-finals of the Carabo Cup. (Bear with me) The draw was supposed to be live streamed on Twitter but was delayed due to “a minor technical glitch at Twitter HQ”.

Oh yeah?? You expect us to believe that, man???

And get this, while fans were desperately refreshing their feeds for any news, we then discovered that dad banter merchants Phil Tufnell and Matt Dawson had been doing the draw behind closed doors as a “pre-recorded video” was then posted on Twitter.

Wake up, sheeple!!! Open your eyes to the truth!!!!!

And to top it all off, the detail which really sold the conspiracy theory, the ‘George Bush senior called in with information about a threat to Kennedy’s life just before he was killed’ moment was when the pre-recorded video revealed all the four biggest teams had been conveniently kept apart, with Manchester United drawn against Bristol City. The full draw is as follows:

A little too convenient perhaps??? Do you take us for fools?!?!?

The cup will go on, with ties to be played the week commencing December 18, but The Warm-Up will personally not rest until it unearths some Zapruder footage of Matt Dawson plucking warm balls from a bag.

The truth is out there!

Sir Chips Keswick might sound like the name of a Dickens character, an Old Etonian merchant banker with a benevolent soul, but in reality the Arsenal chairman is just an Old Etonian merchant banker with an unpleasant line in condescension.

Sir Chips is only wheeled out once or twice a year, and one of those fateful occasions came on Thursday at Arsenal’s AGM. Just keep your head down old chap and don’t offend the natives, jolly good show. Except Sir Chips landed himself in hot oil with a quite embarrassing response to one shareholder.

When said audience member explained they wanted to hear the views of majority shareholder Stan Kroenke, who was in attendance but keeping his mouth shut, Sir Chips replied, “read the Daily Telegraph” - a reference to an interview Kroenke had given to the newspaper.

It’s bad advice at any time, unless you like your news refracted through the lens of the 1950s, but Arsenal’s non-billionaire class of shareholder didn’t really appreciate being spoken down to in such a way. So you can add PR to the list of things Arsenal really aren’t very good at. Excellent work all round.

In the only notable bit of football last night, Real Madrid beat Fuenlabrada in the Copa del Rey. Zinedine Zidane put out his reserve team and they needed second-half penalties from Marco Asensio and Lucas Vazquez to earn their first-leg lead.

The only other thing to say about this match is that it was played in a stadium named after Fernando Torres. Huh.

The Warm-Up has nothing but love for Lukas Podolski tweeting out clips of hilarious bookings from his matches in Japan. Did that.. did that player lamp his own keeper in the face??

ESPNFC’s interview with Dimitar Berbatov is an absolute goldmine. He surveys the events of his career, declares that “all the best ideas come in the toilet” and warns future suitors for his two daughters that he has “guns” waiting for them. Do have a read when you have a spare 10 minutes.

Pedro Caixinha was sacked as Rangers manager on Thursday - so hats off to BT Sport for producing a compilation of all the times Chris Sutton said he would be rubbish, and absolutely revelled in it. Sutton may have one main trick but he does it ever so well. Hugely entertaining.

PSG v Nice is the pick of the Friday football, kicking off as it does at 7:45pm on BT Sport. However, let us quickly remind you that on Saturday it is the final of the Under-17 World Cup with a resplendent England team taking on Spain, the team who beat them in the final of the U17 European Championship earlier this summer. It’s live on Eurosport and Eurosport Player from 3:30pm!