The Warm-Up: The worse Manchester United get, the better they get
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Updated 19/12/2018 at 08:12 GMT
Plus: Forget Solskjaer, get Big Weng in; a pair of pathetic Panenkas; and some physics-defying weirdness in Holland.
Ed Woodward and Jose Mourinho in happier times
Image credit: Getty Images
WEDNESDAY’S BIG STORIES
A great day for Manchester United
Manchester United are a strange entity. Seemingly hell-bent on proving they’re not too big to fail... but the more they fall into disarray, the clearer it becomes that their ship is nigh-on unsinkable.
Somehow, the worse United do, the bigger they get; the more unstoppable a money-making machine they become. On the pitch... well, it’s a dumpster fire. But for those who run the club, there’s every reason to be happy with events at Old Trafford.
From a marketing perspective, Tuesday’s feeding frenzy was the stuff of dreams – exactly the kind of thing that keeps United top of the Deloitte Money League even as the years since their last league title mount up. Maybe football really is a real-life version of The Producers, where it is better to lose than win.
What a boost for the club’s profile. Trending all day; biggest sports story in the world; terrific exposure – and their share price duly rose.
The fine folk at Official Diesel Engine Partner Yanmar must be doing cartwheels.
That’s not to mention the halo effect that has turned The Lowry from a deluxe Linton Travel Tavern into northern England’s best-known hotel.
And then there’s the brands. 'Oh, sorry guys, we seem inadvertently to have generated massive publicity for this Adidas-sponsored Instagram post. We’ll delete it now. Sorry!'
Is anyone really naïve enough to believe that Paul Pogba’s deleted social dig at Mourinho was really just a “scheduled marketing post”?
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Even companies with no connection to the club looked desperately for a way – any way – to get in on the action.
Tell The Warm-Up this: how many times in the last 18-months have Pizza Hut tried to piggyback on Manchester City’s quiet pursuit of historic excellence?
Oh, you say you want trophies, not just robust Q3 APAC growth? Bit of an outdated concept, but OK… Well, the stronger United are financially, the longer they can go on paying big money for top talent (and Alexis Sanchez).
Money is no guarantee of silverware, but if United can defy the downward spiral that usually accompanies on-pitch failure, they basically have unlimited time to get the team back on track. And based on the post-Fergie era, they might need it.
Chaos, conflict and drama are what attract eyeballs – and that’s one thing at least where Manchester United remain the best in the business.
Baby-faced caretaker
United’s decision to name a caretaker manager for the rest of the season is just as weird as you’d expect from the only elite European club operating without a sporting director. It puts the club in a six-month holding pattern when their biggest rivals continue to accelerate away.
It also confirms that they just wanted Mourinho out of the building. £20m payoff? No immediate replacement? Doesn’t matter. Just get rid. Well, wait a day so it’s not exactly three years since Chelsea binned him. But then get rid.
The players are far, FAR from blameless in all this. But United will need some of these overpaid layabouts, and can’t afford to alienate all of them. Especially with the likes of David De Gea and Anthony Martial a year away from leaving on a free.
Enter Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, whose appointment leaked out in appropriately absurd fashion – via a caption on United’s website and a congratulatory message from the Norwegian prime minister.
Solskjaer may lack glittering managerial pedigree, but he is immensely popular. He will also restore a link with the club’s past without risk of coming across as an institutionalised club stooge (sorry Giggsy). He certainly seems a better bet than the problematic Laurent Blanc.
United now have six months to persuade Mauricio Pochettino to leave the funky beer taps and leaking roof of Tottenham’s new stadium. Otherwise, United being United, they might go for a lucrative leap into the unknown with Zinedine Zidane. Obviously the Warm-Up is rooting for the banter mother lode that is Arsene Wenger.
No doubt whatever happens will be high-profile, shambolic and immensely lucrative.
IN OTHER NEWS
A bad, bad night for Panenka fans. First Thorgan Hazard for Borussia Moenchengladbach.
Then Raheem Sterling for Manchester City against Leicester. We can’t show you a clip, but it was pretty much the same as Hazard’s. Here’s Leicester keeper Danny Ward’s verdict:
And… huh?
HEROES AND ZEROES
Hero: Alexander Sorloth
A lovely story here – of the Norwegian fan who made the Crystal Palace striker his Fantasy PL captain despite the fact, he, erm, doesn’t really play. And a superb response from Sorloth himself. Click the link and have a proper read.
Zero: Football management
We haven’t seen Jose Mourinho look that relaxed or human for years. Literally the moment he no longer has to deal with the crushing, all-encompassing pressure of football management, he turns back into a real person. Who on earth would want to do it?
RETRO CORNER
Need some good Solskjaer… let’s see what Adam Hurrey’s got?
Cheers, Adam.
HAT TIP
Never let it be said the Warm-Up doesn’t cater to all age groups.
Two Jose songs here – one Morrissey, one Ariana Grande. Take your pick.
And if you still like reading things, you dinosaur, here’s a very enlightening account of where it all went wrong for Jose – courtesy of Paul Hirst in The Times. Do read the whole thing (paywall).
When Mourinho turned up to the 60th anniversary memorial of the Munich air disaster wearing dark trainers with a garish white trim on them, and a hoodie under his club suit, some senior figures were appalled. Nobody had the gumption to tell him to put on a pair of smart shoes and ditch the hoodie, though. This was Mourinho. He did what he wanted. When he wanted his son, José Mario Mourinho Jr, to sit with him on the bench for the match against Swansea City in April, he made it happen, even though it bemused long-serving members of staff. What is he doing here? one asked.
COMING UP
It’s NLD day! Arsenal take on Tottenham in the League Cup at 19:45 while Chelsea take on Bournemouth. And while River Plate’s loss to Al Ain last night has rather taken the wind out of the Club World Cup’s sails, you could do worse than follow along with Kashima Antlers v Real Madrid.
We tried to keep Jack Lang's Thursday Warm-Up appointment under wraps, but then the Norwegian prime minister started tweeting about it and we don't know what to do
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