The Warm-Up: European misery and cow-related injuries
/dnl.eurosport.com/sd/img/placeholder/eurosport_logo_1x1.png){kind=logo}
Published 23/02/2018 at 08:43 GMT
Jack Lang takes us through Arsenal predictable European showing and, um, a 'speeding cow' injuring a player. No, really...
The Warm-Up: European misery and cow-related injuries
Image credit: Eurosport
FRIDAY’S BIG STORIES
Never the easy way
Love is like a river; it rarely runs in straight lines. So while The Warm-Up wrote at length last week about Arsenal’s steamy affair with the Europa League, only the most foolish novices can have expected the journey to be without a few bumps and diversions.
When you break up with someone, you don’t just forget everything about them in an instant. There are echoes of desire, romantic resonances. And so can we really blame the Gunners, still very much in the early throes of Champions League saudade, for turning to their old ways with their new beau?
They may not be in Europe’s grand old competition any more, but goddamn it, it still feels good to really underwhelm in the second leg of a knockout tie.
/origin-imgresizer.eurosport.com/2018/02/22/2278928-47477355-2560-1440.jpg)
Sead Kolasinac (r.) ist mit Arsenal eine Runde weiter
Image credit: SID
Last night’s performance against Ostersund couldn’t have been more Arsenal. There was the amusingly vanilla line-up, not quite first team but also not quite full reserves, just a jumble sale of ‘Why are you risking him?’ and ‘Oh, I forgot he was still at Arsenal!’ There was the bloodless, moseying start, which served as a formal invitation to their opponents.
There were two goals conceded in three minutes, jangled nerves and all the rest. In the end, they just about got the job done, but there was no real reason to celebrate.
/origin-imgresizer.eurosport.com/2018/02/22/2278856-47475910-2560-1440.jpg)
Jamie Hopcutt of Ostersunds FK holds off Henrikh Mkhitaryan of Arsenal during UEFA Europa League Round of 32 match between Arsenal and Ostersunds FK at the Emirates Stadium.
Image credit: Eurosport
Arsene Wenger was unusually critical in his post-match analysis, calling his players “complacent” and questioning their motivation. “People subconsciously think they just have to turn up to win,” said the Frenchman. Jack Wilshere – branded “probably the most overrated player on the planet” by the gleefully scattergun Roy Keane – admitted that Arsenal had “underestimated” their opponents.
Maybe, though, this was just a case of wanting to feel the old buzz. A little bit of danger gets the blood flowing, after all, and it seems the Gunners are going to have to speed up their continental re-education if they are to really make things work with Mistress Europa.
Also licking their wounds: Celtic, who took a lead to St Petersburg but were hammered 3-0 on the night by Zenit. Still, at least Scott Brown achieved some oblique moral victory by wearing a t-shirt in the freezing cold, like some rugby idiot from the town you left behind years ago:
Sol-searching
Now for an important update from the frontlines of Sol Campbell’s seemingly interminable search for the respect he bloody well deserves.
Our man, it turns out, is annoyed at being overlooked for the Oxford United job, and in a brief sabbatical from posting weird selfie videos on social media, put it in these terms for an Arsenal podcast:
“I’m confident and it’s not like it’s rocket science to run a football club, especially when you get to that level.
“I’m intelligent enough. It’s not like I played on a fox and dog pitch all my life. I can’t believe some people. I’m one of the greatest minds in football and I’m being wasted because of a lack of experience or… ‘Maybe he talks his mind too much’.
“I’m sorry that I’ve got a mind, but don’t be scared of that. That should be something you want at your club. But obviously not.”
Here, incidentally, is one of the greatest minds in football in action:
Only God forgives
After his thrilling monologue on regret, Alan ‘The Philosopher’ Pardew has now turned his forensic mind to the topic of forgiveness.
“He’s paid a heavy price for that. Trust me,” said Pardew of Jonny Evans’ Barcelona antics.
“It’s like all things in life: if you make a mistake does that mean you are going to have to pay for it for the rest of your life? I don’t think so. I think God teaches us to forgive.
“On this occasion I wouldn’t say he’s been forgiven. But he’s paid a price and he’s still paying a price with you guys, so he’ll learn that that was an event he deeply regrets as he lives on.”
Next week: Pardew on the moral value of solitude.
/origin-imgresizer.eurosport.com/2018/02/10/2265671-47212215-2560-1440.jpg)
West Brom boss Alan Pardew is confidence his side can avoid relegation. (Simon Galloway/PA)
Image credit: PA Sport
IN OTHER NEWS
There are opening lines and then there is this, from the pages of The Scotsman:
“Queen of the South could be without a back-up goalkeeper for Saturday’s clash with Dunfermline after Sam Henderson was hit by a runaway cow.”
If The Warm-Up was a Hollywood executive, we’d be green-lighting this one on spec, but happily there is more detail as we progress down the page. Not only was the cow a runaway – we’re seeing teenage rebellion, vague undertones of Kerouac, rockabilly soundtrack – but it was also “speeding”.
How fast does a cow have to be going to be speeding? And who sets the limits? So many questions.
But no matter. Here is Queens assistant manager Dougie Anderson with one of great two-sentence quotes in sporting history: “Sam has missed training this week. It could have been worse as the cow ran at him for a second time but he managed to get out of the way.”
Too good.
/origin-imgresizer.eurosport.com/2014/11/27/1360577-29205469-2560-1440.jpg)
Cow (getty images)
Image credit: Getty Images
HEROES AND ZEROES
Hero: This guy/gal
FourFourTwo magazine published a story about little Tadcaster Albion. The magazine wound up in the hands of a kid in China. And thus was born one of the more heart-warming instances of impromptu fandom in recent times.
This is lovely, lovely stuff.
Zero: Carlos Carvalhal
The Warm-Up has been a fan of the Portuguese manager’s flights of verbal fancy since he went to town on that £20 note a while back, and he hasn’t disappointed since arriving in the Premier League, with tales of fishing, barbecues and traffic jams.
Yesterday’s mini-rant about the value of statistics, though? Sorry, but this is just a pile of hot nonsense.
RETRO CORNER
Granted, this is only actually a few months old. But it came to my mind yesterday as, in the wake of David De Gea’s heroics in Seville, a number of outlets scrabbled to put together lists of the greatest saves of all time.
This stop, from Gremio goalkeeper Marcelo Grohe, simply has to be in the conversation. The forward’s reaction tells you everything you need to know.
HAT TIP
It’s not entirely clear what’s going on between Pogba and Mourinho, but it seems pretty clear that something’s going on. In many ways it seems to be the classic Mourinho vs. player argument that we’ve seen many times before. What might seem on the surface to be footballing questions — what’s Pogba’s best position? why is he out of form? why is this angry Portuguese man shouting at him all the time? — are addressed through the mechanisms of exile and shame.
/origin-imgresizer.eurosport.com/2018/02/21/2277891-47456610-2560-1440.jpg)
Jose Mourinho, Manager of Manchester United speaks to Paul Pogba during the UEFA Champions League Round of 16 First Leg match between Sevilla FC and Manchester United at Estadio Ramon Sanchez Pizjuan on February 21, 2018 in Seville, Spain.
Image credit: Getty Images
COMING UP
The Warm-Up is sad to report that it’s all a bit mediocre tonight, as far as live stuff goes. There’s Hull vs Sheffield United in the Championship, Deportivo vs Espanyol in Spain, Mainz vs Wolfsburg in Germany and Strasbourg vs Montpellier in France… and that’s about as good as it gets.
That being the case, you might be best just settling down in front of the Winter Olympics. And you’ll never guess where you can catch the best coverage…
Monday means Adam Hurrey, so join us after the weekend for his usual mix of retro giffery.
Scan me
Related Topics
Share this article
Advertisement
Advertisement