The Warm-Up: Kane's overdue night off, Keane's overblown pile-on
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Updated 11/09/2018 at 20:18 GMT
Jack Lang brings you WD40 news, some superb Welsh commentary and the best of beach football...
Harry Kane talks to the referee during England's game against Spain
Image credit: Reuters
TUESDAY’S BIG STORIES
Kane unable
Here he comes now, wheezing onto the 42 bus with his bags for life and his walking stick. A teenager jumps out of his priority seat to make space. “Thanks, young man,” he says before settling in, popping a mint imperial into his mouth and gazing out the window.
In the back-row seats, a commotion begins. There is a chorus of whispers. Phones are furtively aimed in his direction. Everyone on the bus seems to recognise the new passenger.
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Harry Kane's second daughter has been born
Image credit: PA Sport
All except for one exceptionally bemused lady with a trolly. Sensing her confustion, the teenager offers: “That’s Harry Kane! He won the World Cup Golden Boot!”
“Oh,” replies the lady, still visibly nonplussed. “When was that, the 70s?”
The teenager’s laughs dissolve into embarrassment when he sees that she’s not joking. “No, love. It was a couple of months ago.”
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Gareth Southgate File Photo
Image credit: PA Sport
Ah yes: Prince Harry’s post-Russia blues. The Warm-Up, as you’ve probably gleaned, is prone to 'hilarious' exaggeration, but England’s goal-snaffler supreme really has looked rather out of sorts lately, like a racing bike clunking along with a rusty chain.
Someone fetch the WD40; Harry’s a bit broken.
Gareth Southgate seems to recognise it, too, which is why he’s expected to rest the Tottenham striker against Switzerland tonight. “Harry falls into that category in which we have several players where we have to watch how much they play,” said the Pizza Hut Kid yesterday.
He’ll be fine, of course. But you do wonder whether these elite footballers wouldn’t benefit from a proper rest now and then. Even if it’s just for the half an hour the 42 takes to get to the big Tesco.
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Harry Kane et Gareth Southgate
Image credit: Getty Images
Nai bother
Hearty congratulations to Scotland for starting the UEFA Nations League on the front foot. Alex McLeish heaped the pressure on his side by calling the game against Albania a must-win, and win they did, courtesy of an own goal and a strike by Steven ‘The Friendly Ghost’ Naismith.
“I’m building a wall, I’m not papering over cracks,” said McLeish, channelling his inner POTUS.
Europe endless
Elsewhere in everyone’s new favourite competition: Portugal shrugged off Cristiano Ronaldo’s absence to find a way past Italy, Turkey produced a stirring comeback to hold Sweden, Aleksandar Mitrovic grabbed a brace for Serbia in their 2-2 draw with Romania.
Oh, and Kosovo beat the Faroe Islands in their first competitive fixture on home soil. Talk about perfect opponents.
IN OTHER NEWS (I)
To the wonderful world of WhatsApp leaks now, and news – well OK, not really news – that Roy Keane is an absolute maniac.
If you’re fresh to this, the background is fairly simple: Keane hates everyone. Specifically, in this instance, Republic of Ireland pair Jonathan Walters and Harry Arter. Here are selected highlights of a voice message originally sent by Republic of Ireland defender Stephen Ward and subsequently released into the wild:
– “Apparently he (Arter) was getting treatment in the treatment room and Roy walked in and was like, ‘When are you going to train you f***ing p****?’”
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Roy Keane
Image credit: Getty Images
– “As he was walking back, Roy was shouting down the corridor, ‘You’re a f***ing p****, you’re a c***, you’ve been all your life.’”
– “Roy walked over and was like, ‘Why aren’t you lads training?’ They’re like ‘We can’t do three days in a row,’ and he was like ‘What are youse, professional footballers? F***ing shambles that is.’”
And surely the piece de resistance:
– “Apparently, they were squaring up to each other, and having it off and had to be pulled off each other. All the lads were grabbing Jonny away from him, Jonny was gonna kill him. And Roy brought up something about when they were at Ipswich they had like a falling out as well and he was like, ‘Are you threatening me again, Jon, like you did at Ipswich?’ And Jonny was like, ‘Yeah what, are you gonna be a s***house again and just send me my fine in the post rather than saying it to my face?’”
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Jonathan Walters is an injury concern for Republic of Ireland boss Martin O'Neill
Image credit: PA Sport
Worth saying at this juncture that Ireland boss Martin O’Neill cast some doubt on the veracity of all those claims at his press conference yesterday. But come on. They’re sooooo Keane.
IN OTHER NEWS (II)
Because literally everyone loves an indirect free-kick inside the penalty area with exciteable Welsh commentary:
RETRO CORNER
A very happy Warm-Up birthday too – drum roll please – Franz ‘Der Kaiser’ Beckenbauer! Brilliant player, brilliant manager, and the man who caused a thousand young German football fans to ask: “Dad, isn’t that guy… meant to be playing centre-back?”
He was, but he was also reinterpreting the position like a jazz musician, roaming around the melody with precise abandon.
And for no good reason other than the fact it’s awesome, here is the best beach soccer goal you’ve never seen (unless you’re a big beach soccer fan, in which case… well, congratulations).
HAT TIP
The Spanish have a culture of it, and that’s clearly what much of this comes back to. England haven’t had that culture. There’s no need here to delve back into the debate about what traditional English ideals of a midfielder have been, where action and tenacity have been historically valued over thought and technique. Indeed, this is a country more familiar with the powerful runs of a Bryan Robson rather than the precise paths of a Xavi Hernandez pass.
That’s The Independent’s Miguel Delaney on England’s ongoing search for something resembling a midfield. Also worth a look: another top Donald McRae interview, this time with Marvin Sordell.
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England's midfielder Jordan Henderson drinks water during the Russia 2018 World Cup quarter-final football match between Sweden and England at the Samara Arena in Samara on July 7, 2018.
Image credit: Getty Images
COMING UP
We’re moving into that awkward little chunk of no man’s land between international and domestic action, but the Women’s Champions League is back to bridge the gap. Chelsea are playing SFK 2000 – an entity that could be a football team, but could also be some kind of deluxe power drill, or an instruction for a trade on a foreign currency exchange. Probably a football team, to be honest.
Alex Chick doesn’t rate Switzerland, but concedes that their flag is a big plus. He’ll be doing tomorrow’s Warm-Up.
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