The Warm-Up: New deadline, same old desperation
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Updated 09/08/2018 at 08:23 GMT
Jack Lang goes in search of Johan Fullbacksson and has a moment of silence for Gary Neville's ego...
Kepa Arrizabalaga
Image credit: Getty Images
THURSDAY’S BIG STORIES
The Chelsea guide to bargaining positions
“Kepa Arrizado… Kepa Azirrabal… Kepa Arrizababa… Kepa Arrizabagala…”
Oh, sorry, The Warm-Up was just making sure the name of the new Chelsea goalkeeper rolls off the tongue. Not strictly necessary, of course – after all, we’ve been massive fans of Kepa [checks notes and proceeds painfully slowly] Arrizabalaga for ages now. Since his time at Basconia. Loved his time at Ponferradina, too. One of the great loan spells.
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Chelsea sign Kepa (Credit: Chelsea FC)
Image credit: Eurosport
Naturally, knowing Kepa (the surname is for pseuds and granddads, FYI) as we do, we’re fully aware that Real Madrid nearly signed him for around £18million in January. Chelsea have just paid £72million. That, maths fans, equates to a 300% price hike in seven months – the kind of inflation usually reserved for Venezuelan supermarkets.
Has he played well in the interim? Sure: well enough to make Spain’s World Cup squad and almost usurp David De Gea in the starting XI after the Portugal match, according to reports at the time. But the pricetag was more a reflection of Chelsea’s bargaining position, which edged into the rarely-used ‘quicksand on fire’ section on the old Desperation-O-Meter.
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Thibaut Courtois - West Bromwich Albion-Chelsea - Premier League 2018/2019 - Getty Images
Image credit: Getty Images
Ah yes. Thanks Thibaut, old friend. Didn’t so much force Chelsea’s hand so much as stick it in the furnace. And sure, Mateo Kovacic is coming the other way on loan to sweeten the deal just a touch, but there’s something about Real Madrid always, always getting their man (with the notable exception of amateur Mr Tumnus impressionist David De Gea) that grates.
Still, it could be worse. You could be Keylor Navas, repeatedly putting in match-winning performances for the biggest club in the world and yet forever on the ‘players we need to upgrade ASAP’ list. The Warm-Up just hopes he knows his way round a contract negotiation. A 300% hike with a £72million bonus should dull the pain.
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Keylor Navas bei WM
Image credit: Getty Images
Attack dog Alexis
Say what you will about Alexis Sanchez’s performances since arriving at Manchester United; you cannot deny that he’s internalised his manager’s philosophy. Just witness yesterday’s oh-so-timely dispatch on United’s transfer activity, which might easily have come from the mouth of Jose Mourinho himself.
“At United we have to sign big players with experience,” Sanchez told Sky Sports. “Barcelona just signed Arturo Vidal, who is a great player and my team-mate from Chile. He is an example of the type of players we need to sign in order to win trophies and compete at the highest level.”
He is also an example of a player who doesn’t have an obvious place in the system of the team he’s joined, and may thus severely hamper the progress of promising youngsters in his position. Sound familiar, Alexis?
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Manchester United’s Alexis Sanchez had a goal and an assist
Image credit: PA Sport
All aboard the rumour bus
So what business can we expect to be completed before today’s deadline? Well if today’s papers are to be believed… (deep breath now)
Harry Maguire both will and won’t sign for Man United; Arsenal are keen on Domogoj Vida AND Ousmane Dembele, perhaps the two most different players ever; Danny Drinkwater could return to Leicester; Danny Rose may go to Schalke; Tottenham still want Jack Grealish; Wolves are in the market for a left-back; Tiemoue Bakayoko could be Milan-bound.
Clear as mud.
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MAGUIRE_WOCHIT
Image credit: Eurosport
IN OTHER NEWS
Regular readers (hi mum!) will recall the The Warm-Up tentatively asking for suggestions for further Chelsea signings after Kepa the keeper. This was our own proposal:
While we’ve yet to be made aware of a Ryan Midfielder or a Johan Fullbacksson, the Blues are not without further options in the nominative positional determination stakes. There’s Australian forward Roko Strika, for a start, who would surely enjoy the service offered by Middlesbrough’s Lewis Wing.
And if Chelsea need back-up for Kepa, they won’t be short of options there, either:
HEROES AND ZEROES
Hero: Pep Guardiola
This is colder than the inside of a freezer in the Arctic Circle. Much funnier, though.
Zeroes: Celtic
Brendan Rodgers’ charges could still reach the Champions League, but they made things tricky for themselves last night, drawing 1-1 at home to AEK Athens in the first leg of the third qualifying round.
Callum McGregor put the Bhoys in the driving seat early on, only for Viktor Klonaridis to level just before the break. And Celtic were unable to press home a numerical advantage after AEK were reduced to ten men with an hour to go.
“We are still in a really good position,” offered the pathologically optimistic Rodgers, but they’re actually not.
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Kieran Tierney of Celtic and Tasos Bakasetas of AEK Athens (R) in action during the UEFA Champions League Qualifier between Celtic and AEK Athens at Celtic Park Stadium on August 8, 2018 in Glasgow, Scotland.
Image credit: Getty Images
RETRO CORNER
The Warm-Up wishes the happiest of birthdays to Pippo Inzaghi, who turns 45 today. Here’s a video of the arch poacher’s jammiest, most fortuitous goals to mark the occasion:
HAT TIP
This has become a more pronounced problem since Madrid. The emotional intensity of his teams has just given way to more intense emotion from the manager, where his response to almost every problem is hardline and hard criticism.
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Jose Mourinho
Image credit: PA Sport
COMING UP
Erm, well, a few dollops of desperation-related transfer madness, for starters. The summer window creaks shut (it used to slam, but hasn’t seen a lick of WD40 since 2013) at 5pm, so we’ve a good few hours of conjecture, myth and Ed Woodward crying into his latte ahead of us. Yay! Follow our LIVE look at all the action here.
If it’s actual sport you’re after, rather than brute capitalism, Europa League qualifying continues tonight with Istanbul Basaksehir vs Burnley, Hibernian vs Molde, Rangers vs Maribor and The New Saints vs Midtjylland.
Tom Adams will be here tomorrow with his scalpel to carry out a deadline-day post-mortem.
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