The Warm-Up: Nigeria 5-0 England

Oh yes, now we’re talking. Finally, a kit to really make us believe. Never mind those (checks calendar) 52 years of hurt; 2018 is definitely, definitely our year.

Just look at those simple lines, those sleeves for the ages. And that glorious navy to blood-red to fade-out splurge! No one at the World Cup is going to have a better kit than this belter.

Well done England. Well done ind… wait, what? That’s just the training kit?

Well that’s a shame, but no worries; the actual match jersey must be even better, even more daring. Chevrons, lightning bolts, all that jazz. Right?

Wrong. It’s another white t-shirt with an England logo on it. Sorry.

Maybe the away kit, though? Nope. It’s another red t-shirt with an England logo on it. Sorry.

Who exactly was it who decided that all England kit this century has to be minimalistic and deeply dull? The Warm-Up hasn’t read the marketing spiel for this one, but presumably it’s all the usual nonsense about tradition, simplicity and class. Which are all well and good, as concepts go, but they can’t compete with creativity and daring when it comes to designing a decent shirt.

Just look at that training top again and ask yourself: would kids around the world love the England team just a little bit more if they were wearing that? The answer is obviously yes.

Still, at least the collar design is nice. OH NO WAIT, it appears to have been hewn out using a child’s stencil and a Stanley knife. Lots to reflect on here.

The week’s FA Cup action ended with a comfortable 2-0 win for Tottenham over Newport County, Mauricio Pochettino’s rotated side never really looking in much trouble at all at Wembley.

The evening’s big winner was Erik Lamela, who started and scored his first goal for an absolute age. The Argentine had last notched against Gillingham back in September 2016, so looked understandably delighted when he steered a finish past Joe Day. Amazing what a player can conjure when not being kicked in the calf by clumsy centre-halves, right Liverpool fans?

After the famine, the feast. A full season and a half into his ride on the Jose Mourinho Trust Rollercoaster, Luke Shaw is rumoured to be getting a new contract at Manchester United, having impressed his boss in recent weeks.

On the one hand, this is clearly heartening news: Shaw clearly has plenty of talent and really deserved some slack after that horror leg break a couple of years back. He might not have hit the heights since then, but players can take a while to properly recover from these things – ask Aaron Ramsey – and there have been signs recently that the old confidence is returning.

On the other, this being Mourinho, you do wonder whether it’s all some elaborate plan to coax an improvement out of Ashley Young after his unforgivable one bad game at Tottenham. The Warm-Up awaits further developments.

It’s time to raise a coffee cup to Hristo Stoichkov, the Bulgarian box of tricks, who celebrates his 52nd birthday today. And what better way to mark the occasion than by poring over this video if every single one of his goals for Barcelona?

That’s a trick question; there is no better way. Although just why this YouTuber chose ‘Born in the USA’ as the soundtrack here is anyone’s guess.

All together now: Ambassador, with these glorious strips, you are really spoiling us!

Seriously, though: TAKE MY MONEY NOW. TAKE MY WIFE’S MONEY. TAKE MY FUTURE EARNINGS. TAKE THE HOUSE I DO NOT OWN. TAKE EVERY PENNY THAT I WAS SAVING FOR MY FUTURE CHILD. You deserve it, you brilliant fiends.

Pay your tax, mate.

That’s The Guardian’s Barney Ronay on the Premier League’s new problem position: central midfield.

As ways to prepare for a massive cup semi-final against Barcelona go, losing five consecutive matches is not really ideal. But that’s the situation for Valencia as they look to reverse a slim first-leg deficit at the Mestalla this evening.

Have Marcelino’s side been playing possum to lure Barça into a false sense of security? Probably not, to be honest, but hopefully they’ll be able to make a game of it anyway. It starts at 8.30pm.