The Warm-Up: The ultimate consolation prize, artificial goal celebrations, and a sorry Salah

It may have lost some lustre along the way, but the FA Cup remains the ultimate consolation prize in English football. For different reasons, the four remaining sides – and, in particular, their managers – will all now be treating it with the utmost respect, whether they admit it or not…

Mauricio Pochettino was first into the hat, after Spurs disposed easily of a distracted Swansea, but he still won’t be fully seduced by the prospect of any old silverware. “There are competitions that if you win, fantastic, but if you don’t win, nothing changes,” he insisted, keeping his powder bone-dry ahead of a semi-final against Manchester United.

The debate over whether a trophy – literally, any trophy – makes you a winner (with a capital W) seems to have adopted Pochettino’s Tottenham as its case study. For now, the man himself is not rising to the emotional bait of the FA Cup.

The next beaming semi-finalist was Jose Mourinho, who delved deep into his tattered Jose Mourinho Managerial Playbook for the chapter marked “Turn on Your Players Even After Winning”. Few of his United side were spared after a second-gear win over Brighton at Old Trafford.

“I’m not happy. There was a lack of personality, a lack of class, and a lack of desire,” Jose grumbled. “You played very bad but you did the basic things that one player has to do,” was his feedback for young Scott McTominay, whose honeymoon period in the United midfield came to an emphatic end.

“But to feel not comfortable to play, saying: ‘Please Mister, take me from the pitch,’ I felt that,” sighed Mourinho once more, this time in the vague direction of Luke Shaw, whose bizarre United existence continued by being hauled off at half time.

Then there was Mark Hughes. His first assignment in charge of Southampton was to negotiate the Wigan fairytale but, for 45 minutes, the League One promotion hopefuls looked more like the Goliath of the piece. Southampton were battered 0-0 in the first half at the DW Stadium, before Hughes chucked a few figurative teacups to coerce some purpose out of his ball-players. “Wembley will be a nice occasion,” he said afterwards – almost breaking into a smile – “and hopefully it will help us in our league form as well.”

Hughes would not have had to look far for the only example of a club winning the FA Cup and being relegated from the top flight in the same season. The FA Cup, whether you’re a title challenger or a relegation scrapper, can only ever be a side dish.

Finally, there was Antonio Conte. His Chelsea career, like all the others before him, is coming to a widely accepted end, with no guarantees that the next in the queue will fare any better. With Champions League qualification hopes fading – only a win against Spurs on April Fools’ Day will realistically keep them alive – Chelsea may have to accept Cup final redemption as success for a stuttering season.

Having edged past Leicester in extra time on Sunday, Conte might, at least privately, be imagining the dignified farewell of a Wembley lap of honour.

We have low expectations of footballers on Twitter, and rightly so. Take away the almost artistically anodyne pre and post-match sentiments and you’re left with some approved messages of endorsement, crafted by copywriters, unashamedly pasted into the player’s online personality.

Thankfully, Luis Suarez – noted student of 18th century Protestant architecture in former Dutch colonies – is here to offer some raw authenticity.

Speaking of artificiality, one aspect of VAR that perhaps its creators might not have anticipated was the fans’ displeasure at having that moment of celebration occasionally taken away from them as a referee double-checks a goal.

Milan’s Patrick Cutrone, though, may have started a trend that could allay those fears. VAR confirms your goal after all, despite a lengthy pause? Celebrate as you would have done.

Let this be the template for all VAR buzzkill attempts from now on.

Suddenly, the Golden Boot doesn’t look like much of a competition. Kevin De Bruyne’s Player of the Year odds have slipped slightly. Mohamed Salah simply will not go away.

Salah needs four goals in his remaining seven games to set a new 38-game Premier League goalscoring record. An eminently achievable seven goals in as many games would give him the outright Premier League record, and make him the first 35-goal man in the top flight since 1967.

A ruthless, cold-blooded hitman, then? Nope, this is a man who apologises to goalkeepers for scoring four past them.

Perhaps he’ll get found out next season, injury will strike, or maybe La Liga will come calling. In any case, Salah is scampering towards the record books.

It is impressive, in a way, how certain players cling on to a Premier League existence. Charlie Adam retains an intermittently accurate sledgehammer of a left foot but, much like Chris Brunt’s, it surely belongs in the Championship.

Nausea, diarrhoea, euphoria: after 15 years as a professional football, the towering Per Mertesacker is just about ready to pack it all in. Before he does, he offers Der Spiegel an honest account of the human toll of living most people’s dream.

On this very day in 1996: Nottingham Forest bring a precious away goal back to the City Ground for a UEFA Cup quarter-final second leg against Bayern Munich. Unfortunately, Jurgen Klinsmann, Jean-Pierre Papin and co score five of their own:

It’s the big one! Newcastle Under Lyme College take on St Charles Sixth Form College in the final of the ESFA Under 18 Colleges Trophy! What a way to kick off the international break.