The Warm-Up: Theo Walcott is an Arsenal great, why would Henrikh Mhkitaryan agree to a swap?
:focal(155x147:157x145)/origin-imgresizer.eurosport.com/2015/03/26/1443747-30871907-310-310.jpg)
Updated 17/01/2018 at 11:05 GMT
Plus: Ronaldinho was quite something. And the strangest Sean Dyche story you'll read this century.
Theo Walcott celebrates scoring Arsenal's first goal against Bayern
Image credit: Reuters
WEDNESDAY’S BIG STORIES
Theo Walcott is an Arsenal great
It says much about Arsenal’s malaise that Theo Walcott would rather play in a Sam Allardyce team than spend another moment at the Emirates.
The winger underwent his medical at Everton on Tuesday ahead of a £20m move that ends a 12-year stint at the Emirates.
Walcott’s loss will be mourned inasmuch as he will be another rat off a sinking ship – but young Theo was never anyone’s favourite rat. Not one of the cute, highly-skilled ones who does French country cooking. A sickly rat, with dodgy shoulders, back, ankles, thighs, lungs, calves, abs, knees, groins and hamstrings.
Despite his fluctuating form and multitudinous injuries, Walcott compiled an impressive stat sheet at Arsenal. 397 appearances put him ahead of Thierry Henry (377) and a shade behind Patrick Vieira (406) and Dennis Bergkamp (423), while his 108 goals place him joint 15th in the club’s all-time list.
Stats aside, Walcott remained unloved because he personified so much of post-Vieira Arsenal. Soft, inconsistent, unreliable, complacent. Terms not always fairly applied, but they certainly stuck.
The Warm-Up has always had a soft spot for Walcott; let’s hope history remembers him rather more kindly, and enjoys an Okocha/Djorkaeff/Campo-style late-career blossoming under Allardyce.
Who fancies being Arsenal fans’ next target for vitriolic abuse?
/origin-imgresizer.eurosport.com/2018/01/16/2246579-46830370-2560-1440.jpg)
Henrik Mkhitaryan Manchester United
Image credit: Getty Images
Hey there, Henrikh Mkhitaryan!
The Warm-Up has a proposition for you, and thinks you’re going to love it!
How would you like to leave your present surroundings and spent the next five years at the bottom of that dank pit over there?
Sounds great, right?!
What’s that? You can’t even see the bottom? Sure! That’s so the soft marshmallowy landing comes as a wonderful surprise!
Why can you hear so much crying and groaning? Those are just your new friends! They’re making a noise because they’re excited to meet you!
And... you can see people desperately clambering out, weeping at the horror of it all? Hey, who needs those moaning minnies anyway! More room for Mhki!
Oh, you’re paid £140,000 a week and have two and a half years of contract left so you won’t be bullied into a move? Well yeah, but if you jump down into the pit you can play every game in the Europa League! This year, and next – and the one after that, if Dank Pit FC have any players left, obviously. Hey, Theo! Where do you think you’re scrabbling off to? Come back right now young man!
All of which is a remarkably convoluted way of saying that if Alexis Sanchez’s move to Manchester United is contingent on Mkhitaryan wanting to join Arsenal… it looks like a long shot – and not just because the last high-profile player swap deal The Warm-Up can remember involved William Gallas and Ashley Cole, and took place 11 and a half years ago.
Arsene Wenger unloads on Mike Dean
OK, so it’s been a tough morning for Gooners so far.
The Warm-Up will just leave Mike Dean’s referee’s report from West Brom-Arsenal here:
As we've entered the dressing room after the game Mr Wenger stood behind us in the doorway and told the West Brom steward to 'let him in'. e was very aggressive leaning towards me, pointing aggressively at me saying: 'You're not honest' on numerous occasions. I eplied: 'So you're calling me a cheat.' He replied: 'I maintain what I say, you're not honest.' He then said: 'You've done this to us many times before, you're supposed to be professional, you're a disgrace.' He was then ushered out of the room by the West Brom safety officer.
IN OTHER NEWS
Huh?
HEROES AND ZEROES
Hero: Ligue 1
France’s top flight brings some strong flair game to its midweek slate, featuring Dimitri Payet literally ruining a goalkeeper.
And a pearler from Caen’s Ronny Rodelin.
Zero: Football fans
Can they be trusted with a nicely-Photoshopped image of one of the greatest works of art of the last millennium? The most cursory of glances at the replies to this confirms that no, they cannot.
RETRO CORNER
Ronaldinho has retired from professional football, just a decade after he retired from taking it seriously.
What a player. WHAT A PLAYER. WHAT. A. PLAYER. W. H. A. T. A. P. L. A...you get the idea.
DIRTY LAUNDRY
Bad blood in Team Warm-Up as Jack Lang’s preposterous verdict on the best penalty ever is countered swiftly and decisively by Adam Hurrey.
Polar opposites. One penalty rubbish but burnished by layers of delightful subtlety. The other objectively perfect but utterly lacking in nuance.
The correct answer is Panenka – an initially humdrum choice made irresistible by the knowledge that he used to chip penalties ALL THE TIME for his club Bohemians, and even during the shootout his team-mates were begging him not to do it in case Sepp Maier knew. But he did it anyway. A simpler time, before Ben Foster and his iPad destroyed everything we hold dear.
COMING UP
Well, there are more FA Cup replays tonight but why not watch some Australian Open tennis instead.
Or else, here’s Ronnie O’Sullivan being surprisingly good at returning serves by Greg Rusedski.
Scan me
Related Topics
Share this article
Advertisement
Advertisement