Be a good friend and make him stay

We’re still pretty miffed that he didn’t come off the bench and score two goals in added-on time in the Champions League final, but apparently Sergio Aguero is over it already. The 32-year-old – yep, he really is a terrible advert for the aging process – plans to wind down in Barcelona after departing Manchester City.
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“We’re delighted to welcome Sergio to the club, who we’re using as bait to keep Lionel Messi,” read a statement from Barcelona. Or it may as well have done.
In the most transparent move to keep their biggest star at the Camp Nou, Barca have tied down one of Messi's best pals. They know only too well what happened when they let the last one slip through their grasp, with Luis Suarez embarrassing them by firing Atletico Madrid to the Liga title the season after he was shown the door.
Aguero has wasted no time in getting supporters on side. He called Barcelona “the best club in the world” in his first interview, which is obviously a massive lie, although having listened to the below clip multiple times it's hard to hear anything except the world’s loudest translator drowning him out – and potentially putting words in his mouth too.
Either way, Aguero has two jobs: convince Messi that Barca are actually the best club in the world (again, they’re not), then Sellotape his crisp-packet joints back together long enough to score a few goals. Even with their Argentine dream duo banging them in, they still probably won’t win anything meaningful – but they just need a few photos of Messi looking happy to convince other younger stars that the club isn’t done just yet.

Ramos signs new Real Madrid deal in three, two, one...

Aha, it must be time for Sergio Ramos’ contract negotiations. Sadly, it doesn’t look like we’re going to get another round of ‘Ramos spotted having medical at Old Trafford’ because Manchester City are the ones who have been duped this time.
Ramos has supposedly been offered a two-year deal by Pep Guardiola’s side, who desperately need some experience to get them over the finish line in Europe’s top competition after a pretty useless performance on Saturday. And the Spaniard would be a great addition. Unless you're called John Stones.
A spate of reports have said that Ramos “will leave” Real Madrid when his contract expires this summer, something that seems credible after his shock omission from the Spain squad. But we’ve been here so many times, so let’s not waste any more of our time on this and move on…

Protests + coronavirus = Copa Brazil

So let’s get this right. Colombia couldn’t host Copa America because of demonstrations against the president. Argentina couldn't host the tournament because of coronavirus. But Brazil, land of presidential protests and crazy coronavirus figures, can hold the tournament. Yep, makes perfect sense.
Still, we should balance this by saying it’s admirable that a country can step in to host a major international tournament at 13 days’ notice. Or foolish. Probably the latter.


Poch Watch

Perhaps you spent your weekend basking in the dual joys of sunshine and friends. Or you spent it frantically refreshing ‘Pochettino Tottenham’ in Twitter, desperately hoping for movement.
As it stands, PSG are not going to let him leave, Real Madrid and Spurs remain keen and, according to Mr Spanish Football himself, only a public statement declaring his desire to leave could see Pochettino depart Paris.
Mauricio, you know what to do.


Get Patrice Gallagher in your ears, especially if you support Manchester City and are easily triggered.


When Aguero is in the headline, there’s only one thing we could revisit. Featuring Titanic music, of course.


A Baltic grudge map between Lithuania and Estonia (17:00) headlines an evening of action you can definitely miss.
Marcus Foley offered to host the Copa America in his back garden, but sadly couldn't offer the twin joys of a coronavirus outbreak and presidential protests
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