The Warm-Up: How many England players would get in the France squad?

Updated 21/03/2018 at 08:46 GMT

There is evidence to suggest our brave lions might not walk into any team in Europe...

England squad

Image credit: Getty Images

Eurosport is very soon to launch a ‘pick your own World Cup squad’ app – just as soon as we can confidently separate the mugshots of Tom Heaton and Nick Pope.

The game is simple – pick the best 23 from the suggested players put forward by our panel of experts. Believe it or not, The Warm-Up was involved in the creation of this 51-man longlist – much too long a list by our estimation.

Lewis Cook? Don’t be stupid. We’re thin in midfield, but not that thin. And what’s James Tarkowski doing in there? He’s not even the best centre-back in Burnley, let alone England.

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England's Lewis Cook during the media day

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At which point it had to be gently pointed out to The Warm-Up that the reason these players were in our list of candidates was that both were in the current England squad. Good on them, and everything, but all things considered - yikes.

A glance at our so-called rivals’ squads reveals a terrifying strength in depth – none more so than France. Forget a combined XI – how many of our current crop would even get in the French squad?

GOALKEEPER

England: Joe Hart, Jack Butland, Nick Pope, Jordan Pickford
France: Hugo Lloris, Steve Alphonse Areola, Steve Mandanda

Our boys might just win a bar fight given Gareth Southgate’s inexplicable selection of four keepers for two friendlies.

France have the goalkeepers of Tottenham Hotspur and PSG... but what about Steve Mandanda, you ask? The man drummed out of Crystal Palace by the sheer weight of Wayne Hennessey’s talent?

Oh wait, it turns out he’s actually excellent.

Pickford is probably our best keeper just as long as everyone promises not to cross it. Butland’s reputation seems to have been built entirely by those spells when he’s out injured. Nick Pope is an average keeper in a well-organised team, and we can only assume the Hartdog is there purely as an anthem coach.

England players in France squad: 0

Samuel Umtiti

Image credit: Getty Images

DEFENCE

England: Joe Gomez, Alfie Mawson, Kyle Walker, Danny Rose, John Stones, James Tarkowski, Harry Maguire, Ryan Bertrand, Kieran Tripper, Ashley Young.
France: Laurent Koscielny, Raphael Varane, Lucas Digne, Djibril Sidibe, Samuel Umtiti, Benjamin Pavard, Lucas Hernandez, Presnel Kimpembe.

Fun fact – in the mid-2000s the competition for places at centre-back meant Sven-Goran Eriksson had to leave one of John Terry, Sol Campbell, Rio Ferdinand, Ledley King and Jamie Carragher out of his England squad. You cannot tell The Warm-Up that any one of those five would not be starting ahead of Mawson, Stones, Tarkowski and Maguire.

Defence probably isn’t France’s strongest suit either – though their two uncapped players are a guy who plays for PSG (Kimpembe) and another who’s about to leave Atletico Madrid for Real Madrid (Hernandez). Both would have 50 caps by now if they were English. Likewise £57m Aymeric Laporte who remains both uncapped and not in the squad.

Regardless, we’re backing Kyle Walker – iffy delivery, spotty positioning and all – to find his way into the French setup.

England players in France squad: 1 (Kyle Walker)

Brazil's midfielder Paulinho (R) vies with England's midfielder Jake Livermore

Image credit: Getty Images

MIDFIELD

England: Jordan Henderson, Jack Wilshere, Adam Lallana, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Eric Dier, Dele Alli, Jesse Lingard, Jake Livermore, Lewis Cook.
France: Blaise Matuidi, Paul Pogba, Ngolo Kante, Thomas Lemar, Adrien Rabiot, Corentin Tolisso.

OK, this is where it starts to get really embarrassing. Every one of the French players is one of the best in the world at his position – starting regularly for an elite European team or, in Lemar’s case, on the verge of a massive move. England, meanwhile, have Lewis Cook and Jake Livermore.

But look – and we’re not even sure who we’re leaving out to make room (possibly one of the strikers?) – we’re going to include Dele Alli here because otherwise it’s just too depressing.

England players in France squad: 1 (Dele Alli)

griezmann mbappe

Image credit: Eurosport

FORWARDS

England: Raheem Sterling, Danny Welbeck, Jamie Vardy, Marcus Rashford
France: Olivier Giroud, Antoine Griezmann, Anthony Martial, Kylian Mbappe, Ousmane Dembele, Wissam Ben Yedder.

Imagine the column inches if England had someone as good as Karim Benzema in international exile. France, meanwhile, bumble through with a thoroughly terrifying front line featuring not one but two £100m players – and probably three when Griezmann leaves Atletico.

Obviously Harry Kane would not only be in the squad but starting were he fit – but he’s not. We’ve given Ben Yedder’s spot to Alli... which leaves the question of whether Raheem Sterling or Anthony Martial gets the final spot as a wide attacker. Ah, the hell with it. Let’s go Sterling.

England players in France squad: 1 (Raheem Sterling)

So there you have it – just three of the current England squad would make it into consideration for France, with none guaranteed a start.

Er, guys? We’re probably not going to win the World Cup.

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HAT TIP

We’re guilty of pimping David Squires a lot here – but it’s international week and he’s reimagined Jose Mourinho as that weird alt-right Yorkshire conspiracy guy who takes the brain medicine. So yeah, worth a couple of minutes of your time.