Lionel Messi v Cristiano Ronaldo: Who is the greatest this week?

Messi: For the first-time in eight years, the Barcelona No. 10 has gone the opening two games of the Liga season without notching so much as a goal or an assist. On this basis it’s only a matter of time until the Spanish press starts linking him with a move to Bayern Munich/Man City. That’s how this works, right?

Ronaldo: No goals for Ronaldo either, although he probably should have found the net with at least one of the one million shots he pinged at the Real Betis goal. Antonio Adan might have conceded five, but he made it his personal battle to deny Ronaldo his goal - only stopping short at blowing a raspberry at the Real Madrid No. 7.

Advantage: Draw (it’s still 0-0 between the two - this is going well).

Messi: Fresh from photobombing - and upstaging - Ronaldo at Friday’s Champions League draw and picking up UEFA’s Best Player in Europe award, the Argentinean played like he was nursing a hangover against Malaga. Messi didn’t see much of the ball and when he did he was too unselfish, always looking for Neymar or Luis Suarez. If indeed he did have a hangover after Friday’s party in Nyon he probably just wanted to stand by the touchline clutching a bottle of Lucozade and a Greggs sausage and bean bake.

Ronaldo: Every summer Ronaldo returns from his month-long Mediterranean yachting holiday looking like an Action Man dipped in teak oil, but this wasn’t quite the performance befitting of an adonis. Adan made three outstanding saves to deny him, with Betis also clearing one of his shots off the line. It took every fibre of his sun-glistened being to look remotely pleased for Gareth Bale - who scored an emphatic double.

Advantage: Ronaldo (it’s probably better to have chances and miss them, rather than have very few chances at all).

Messi: Since winning the treble last season, Barcelona have somehow become a team reliant on late winners from Thomas Vermaelen. There was plenty neat and tidy passing from Luis Enrique’s side, with Neymar showing glimpses of the magic his team has missed recently. But there wasn’t much in the way of a cutting edge in the final third. Barcelona have become Arsenal from about four years ago.

Ronaldo: Rafa Benitez needed a big win. Real Madrid’s opening day draw against Sporting Gijon was so dismal that the Spanish press had already started to question whether the former Liverpool manager’s appointment was such a good idea after all. But with Karim Benzema back and Bale in-form this turned in to something of a coming out party (until the next time Benitez decides to play Bale as a central striker).

Advantage: Ronaldo.

Messi: “All bark and no bite” exclaimed the front page of Marca on Sunday morning - referring to the fact that for the first time ever, both Messi and Ronaldo have gone the first two games of the new Liga season without scoring. Although it concluded that “it is only a matter of time before these two aces find their scoring boots and get down to business as usual.”

Ronaldo: Last week Benitez faced the scrutiny of the Madrid press. This week, it’s Ronaldo after he drew a blank against Betis. Marca claimed that the Portuguese hair-gel enthusiast “choked” on Saturday night, in what was his 100th La Liga appearance at the Santiago Bernabeu. AS pointed out that Ronaldo had the fewest touches of the ball of any home player, too. A 5-0 win for Real Madrid, but certainly not a five-star review for Ronaldo.

Advantage: Messi.

Messi: Has anyone actually heard Messi speak? He’s like Paul Scholes, before Paul Scholes delved into the reserves of sass he’d been building up over his entire career on BT Sport. The Argentine’s Barca team-mates did his speaking after the win, praising his contribution despite failing to find the net.

Ronaldo: The phone rings on Sunday morning, it’s Jorge Mendes. “Ronny, you need to do something to look happy with the result. Nike like it better when you smile.” And so Ronaldo sits up in his bed - below his mirrored ceiling - and picks up his phone. He posts an innocuous Instagram picture of him on the ball against Betis, with a thumbs up emoji for good measure. There, all better.

Advantage: Ronaldo.

So for the next seven days Ronaldo is once again the greatest footballer on earth – although with both players failing to score in the opening two games of the campaign for the first time ever, this column is suffering a poorer start to the season than Chelsea.