Tour de Farce: Bridesmaids revisited

With the peloton swallowing up the remnants of the day’s main break less than 500m from the finish of stage 13, the scene was set for one of the persistent bridesmaids finally getting hitched.

In one corner there was Peter Sagan, a rider with three second places to his name in this Tour, and in the other, Greg van Avermart, the classics specialist who has built himself a reputation as being one of cycling’s nearly men.

The metaphysical implications of such a conundrum did not go unnoticed by some of cycling’s most switched on brains.

Indeed, often the question has been asked: if a tree falls in a forest and only Peter Sagan and Greg van Avermaet are around to hear it, does someone else actually hear it first?

Then perhaps the biggest surprise of all at the end of Friday’s long stage from Muret was that both riders were not pipped by Jan Bakelandts and tied for second.

With van Avermaet ending his hoodoo and winning a maiden stage on the Tour, there was a vacancy up for grabs.

All these zany japes are perhaps a bit unfair for both riders. A look at the stats actually shows that van Avermaet finishes sixth way more often than he finishes second.

In fact, the BMC rider has only once finished second in a stage on the Tour – behind Vincenzo Nibali in Sheffield in stage two last summer.

The same cannot be said of Sagan, however. His fourth second-place this year was also his 15th since making his Tour debut in 2012.

Even so, Sagan may have not got the monkey off his back – but he’s put the Gorilla in his place for the near future after moving 24 points ahead of Andre Greipel in the all-important green jersey points standings.

To win green in Paris you only need consistency – and no one can deny Sagan that.

Indeed, compare his fate to that of the three remaining escapees – Thomas De Gendt, WIlco Keldeman and Cyril Gautier - who rode ahead of the pack for the best part of 198km before being swept up on the final ramp to the finish.

Or there’s the case of Alexandre Geniez to consider – the local boy from Rodez who had the support of the local farmers but couldn’t stay out to contest for the win in front of his home crowds.

Or there’s the race’s new lanterne rouge, Sam Bennett, who found the opening climb of the day so tough he was reduced to what looked to most people like a parody of a cyclist stuggling.

Or the Giant-Alpecin rider who, in an alternative universe, came a cropper on a tight left-hand bend while riding into a barrier...

But none of the hardships dealt out to these riders is anything compared to that of the man who stood alongside Nibali on the podium in Paris last year.

Jean-Christophe Peraud’s crash came on a strip of road so jagged and pocked it might as well have been a pebble-dashed cheese-grater.

Besides the deep wound and grazes to his left arm, the French veteran had to suffer the embarrassment of having his bib shorts almost ripped from his legs.

Almost? More than that, it emerged.

The obvious problem for Peraud was that replacing one’s bib shorts is far from the most indiscreet of things one can do in broad daylight.

So the Ag2R-La Mondiale rider had to soldier on, with his shorts flapping open, his wound exposed and the wind blowing through his—well, use your imagination.

And such a delicate situation made it tricky for the TV commentators forced to describe the fall-out, so to speak.

Eurosport’s Carlton Kirby came up with this zinger...

... while one of the voices of cycling just wanted to reach out...

Jokes aside, we’d like to wish Peraud all the best and a swift recovery. It’s worth adding that not only did the 38-year-old catch up with the peloton, he also picked up a load of bidons for his team-mates en route.

Someone give that man a medal!

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In a nutshell: A second tough transitional stage in the Massif Central looks like a mini-classic and concludes with a punchy 3km climb with a gradient of over 10%.

History: The deciding Cote de le Croix Neuve is known as the Montee Laurent Jalabert after the Frenchman won here on Bastille Day in 1995. Joaquim Rodriguez will have happy memories of Mende - the Spaniard triumphed here in 2010 in the cathedral town's last stage finish, pipping compatriot Alberto Contador in a two-way sprint with Alexandre Vinokourov in pursuit. Vino won a day later in a stage that started in Rodez, where stage 14 starts today.

Believe it or not: Mende Cathedral boasts mismatched bell towers, one of which used to house the Non Pareille - the largest bell in the world - before it was melted down to make cannonballs during the Wars of Religion in the early 16th century.

Did you know: Rodez is the home town of French climber Alexandre Geniez of FDJ - one of Thibaut Pinot's main lieutenants. Alberto Contador has also won twice in Mende - during the 2007 and 2010 Paris-Nice.

Look out for: Were Obelix around today he'd make a beeline to Rodez's Fenaille Museum, which boasts the world's largest collection of menhirs. Aerial shots of the spectacular Gorges du Tarn and the Cevennes national park should be fairly breathtaking, also.

Plat du Jour: Bajanat - a soup made with goat milk and local Cevennes chestnuts. Followed by brandade de morue - a dish made with fresh cod in a creamy lemon and herb sauce. Then sample the local Pelardon goat's cheese

Tour tipple: The Lozère is not a wine-producing region itself but is part of Languedoc-Roussillon, which is responsible for a third of France's wine production and boast some delightful smoky whites.