The Warm-Up: Big Sam checks into Wayne's world
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Published 30/11/2017 at 08:05 GMT
Jack Lang surveys the scene after a packed programme of midweek action.
Wayne Rooney of Everton celebrates after scoring his sides first goal during the Premier League match between Everton and West Ham United at Goodison Park on November 29, 2017 in Liverpool, England
Image credit: Getty Images
THURSDAY’S BIG STORIES
Three and easy for Everton
Just when it seemed like someone had lost the remote after pressing ‘pause’ on Everton Football Club, the screen jerked back into life yesterday. Perhaps Bill Kenwright had a big old search down the back of his sofa or something.
First up, some 37 days after Ronald Koeman slunk away from Goodison Park, there was finally some movement on the manager front. After getting scant change out of Marco Silva, Sean Dyche and some 12 other names with very little in common, the Toffees knocked on the big mahogany door marked ‘Big Sam’ down at the managerial retirement village.
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Allardyce übernimmt ab sofort den FC Everton
Image credit: SID
It’s not official yet, but Sam Allardyce should be confirmed before the end of the week. It will be his seventh Premier League club and he was at Goodison Park for the visit of West Ham.
So was David Moyes, of course, and he was hoping for something rather better than what was served up to him on his last two visits back to his old stomping ground: he was memorably taunted by a grim reaper while Manchester United manager and his Sunderland charges were beaten after a weird little mid-season jaunt to New York.
It didn’t go well for Moyes. Or for Joe Hart, or any of the other human beings currently claiming to be professional defenders for the Irons. Instead, it was Everton – themselves strong candidates for England’s Most Miserable before kick-off – who shook off the dust in front of the boss-to-be.
And the man leading this charge? Ah yes, the man Moyes gave a debut to, later fell out with and even later made up with. Wayne Rooney scored twice in the first half and then, ludicrously, scored from behind the halfway line.
A goal for the ages, even if Hart did not exactly cover himself in glory. And, of course, the second goal Rooney has scored against West Ham FROM HIS OWN HALF. As someone I can’t be bothered to Google once said: once is unlucky, twice is careless.
Not that David Unsworth – who celebrated like a man who just found out chocolate counts as one of his five a day – or Allardyce cared a jot. As the camera cut to the latter, up in the stands, he let out a relieved little chuckle. His job just got a few percent easier.
Sterling work
The hero of the night elsewhere was Raheem Sterling, who popped up with a second later winner in the space of four days for Manchester City. Pep Guardiola’s side huffed and puffed (as did the man himself in a bizarre post-game exchange with Nathan Redmond) but eventually ground down the Saints, preserving their eight-point lead at the summit.
There were also wins for Chelsea (1-0 over toothless Swansea), Arsenal (5-0 against Huddersfield) and Mohamed Salahpool (3-0 against Stoke, with two goals off the bench from the Egyptian). Oh and Burnley beat Bournemouth.
This is Pardcore
It wasn’t just Allardyce who returned from limbo yesterday: there was also a comeback for the Gifmaster General, the Wimbledon Wind-Up, the King of Lunchtime.
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Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew recently took his team for a training camp in Spain
Image credit: PA Sport
Yes, Alan Pardew is back in the Premier League, slipping into the still-warm Adidas slippers of Tony Pulis at West Brom with a typically bullish statement of intent. “My best teams play on the front foot and try and put teams under pressure,” said the artist formerly (and probably destined again to be) known as Pardiola. “Sometimes they get a bloody nose doing that and that’s what I’ll deliver here.”
Nice to see some more new blood in the top flight, anyway. Right, Al? “You need somebody, sometimes, who has the experience of having done it before.” Ah, yes…
RETRO CORNER
Many happy returns to everybody’s (well, everybody but The Daily Mail) favourite crisp-eating, pant-wearing, yellow-card-avoiding, goal-plundering leftie liberal luvvie, Gary Lineker. Mr Nice Guy turns 57 today, so what better moment to look back at his moments in football?
No, not the faeces thing! The goals! The lovely, lovely goals! Here are all his strikes for England, one after the other:
HEROES AND ZEROES
Hero: Andre Villas-Boas
Look, we all love football, but sometimes it’s just a bit much. Wednesday, Saturday, Wednesday, Saturday, press conference, match, press conference, transfer window… it’s a lot.
The Warm-Up is a firm believer that the world’s greatest sport, like alcohol, is best enjoyed as part of a balanced lifestyle. Which brings us nicely to Andre Villas-Boas’ magnificent new career tack.
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Villas-Boas wird von der AFC mit einer Geldstrafe belegt
Image credit: SID
Yes, the Portuguese has quit his job managing Shanghai SIPG (very much the best of the SIPGs) to… compete in the 2018 Dakar Rally. That sentence was a delicious one to type, so here it is again: Andre Villas-Boas has quit his job to compete in the Dakar Rally.
He’ll be piloting a Toyota Hilux through Peru, Bolivia and Argentina in January, following the tyre prints of his uncle, who completed the rally in 1982. But before that, there’s a while year of preparation needed, meaning AVB will be out of football for the whole of 2017. That’s what you call the spirit of adventure.
Zero: Renato Sanches
Lol. Still, he technically hit the bullseye with this:
Zero (luck): Santi Cazorla
The poor midfielder revealed yesterday that he is to undergo a NINTH round of surgery on his troublesome Achilles heel.
“Due to some discomfort in the tendon, I had to go into the operating room,” he wrote on Twitter. “I maintain the enthusiasm and motivation to return to enjoy my great passion, football.”
HAT TIP
Appetite is said to have significantly waned since Russia’s World Cup bid was successful. According to what a Russian sports‑politics expert told the Financial Times last week: The general feeling I get from the authorities is: ‘Let’s get this over with.’ Please, please let that be the official slogan for Russia 2018. It would look so perfect in a speech bubble coming out of the chops of the official mascot, which is a wolf who – for some reason – is wearing Edgar Davids’s glasses. LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH TM.
That’s Marina Hyde with another laser-guided verbal bullet to the head of Gianni Infantino and FIFA. Also worth your time: Rory Smith on Real Madrid’s secret weapon, and Ken Early on why Salah is NOT a great winger.
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FIFA president Gianni Infantino
Image credit: PA Sport
COMING UP
The Warm-Up hopes you like crockery, because tonight’s action is cup-heavy to say the least. There are a couple of Coppa Italia clashes and five Copa del Rey games in Spain, the pick of which is probably Valencia vs Real Zaragoza.
Beyond that, the day will probably be spent on World-Cup-draw simulators, plotting out worst-case and best-case scenarios ahead of tomorrow’s big FIFA glitz-athon.
Tom Adams will be here on Friday to get you hyped up for the draw, as if you needed it.
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