Antonio Conte and the day Tottenham made Manchester United look Spursy – The Warm-Up

Manchester United have out-Spursied Spurs! We presumed only Tottenham could beat a rival 3-0, thereby sparking a chain of events that led their opponents directly to the door of the manager they wanted most. But no. Manchester United have been deceived, cursed to remain attached to The Norwegian until he’s allowed into a bar without ID. Which judging from the noises coming out of Glasgow, is longer than we’ve all got left.

Tottenham sacked the best thing that has ever happened to them (not you, Tactics Tim), replaced him with a sour has-been, then sacked him six days before a cup final they might just have won, interviewed half the planet, appointed someone who made the cold soul before look adventurous, only to sack him four months later… and somehow still ended up with the best available manager in world football. From a club that has snatched humiliation from the jaws of victory at every turn for three years, that's not bad going.

Of course, Antonio Conte is the master parachuter. His CV looks extra impressive because he has consistently airdropped in when it can't get any worse. Juventus were reeling from consecutive seventh-place finishes in 2011, Chelsea had only just survived an unwanted romance with relegation in 2016, and Inter hadn’t tasted a top-three finish in eight years come 2019. Conte is a man who thrives when a club is at its most vulnerable. Which is why everyone should now be very afraid of Tottenham.

Harry Kane and Son Heung-min back together, encouraged to score goals during a whole match for the first time since 2019. Tanguy Ndombele finally unleashed in a midfield three with enforcer Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg and the man no one quite knows what he does, Giovani Lo Celso. Sergio Reguilon and Emerson Royal supercharging the sidelines just like their predecessors Marcos Alonso and Victor Moses. Cristian Romero free to become the defender we were all promised this summer.

But there is a big hole in this Conte Celebration. Not so much the personnel but the actual objective. Winning a Premier League or Champions League trophy simply isn't possible for Spurs in the Conte timeframe of two, three at a push, seasons. Given this mess counts as season one, are Spurs really going to take a leap and challenge Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester City? They would have to spend big. And we mean BIG.

Still, it'll be fun and Spurs haven't uttered the f-word in a long, long time. And as for United's next move? We hear there's a guy at West Ham who is working wonders...

Imagine knowing your partner only married you because at least six others said no. You’re fully aware you’re punching and keep putting in the effort make it work. But despite the expensive gifts, candlelit dinners and scented bubble bath, you can’t help wonder if they’re asking that question in their head – “how would life have turned out with Antonio?”

Spurs knew what they were getting with Nuno so why choose him in the first place? It's sad to see someone ripped apart just because they had the temerity to say yes to an opportunity. It may have been a good decision from Spurs in the end, but they've muddied a man's reputation.

Nuno, just holla if you ever want to guest write the Warm-Up as a consolation prize.

It’s incredible to think this man convinced Tottenham to give him an 18-month contract less than eight years ago.

There’s also this. It might just be the worst scene we’ve watched since those VIPs forgot how to speak English. If you know, you know…

Why risk a copyright violation when we can just post weird videos from press conferences? Back to a time when it was socially acceptable to ask a stranger for his fork and a chunk of his cake.

Want even MORE on Conte to Tottenham? Eurosport's prodigal son Pete Sharland breaks down what we can expect from his Spurs side.

The Champions League has snuck up on us – but not for you, Antonio or Tottenham. Eight games in total, including five on this website: Malmo v Chelsea (17:45), Dynamo Kiev v Barcelona, Bayern v Benfica, Atalanta v Man Utd and Juventus v Zenit (all 20:00). You lucky things.