The Warm-Up: Gareth Southgate gets the England job, Jurgen Klinsmann is cut loose by USA
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Updated 22/11/2016 at 09:25 GMT
Nick Miller pores over Tuesday's football, and delights in Sean Dyche's Burnley getting a shoeing...
England's interim manager Gareth Southgate
Image credit: Reuters
TUESDAY’S BIG STORIES
Southgate bravely battles his way to the England job
It looks like, after a fearsome interview process that we can only assume tested the very limits of his capabilities and shone a bright light both into his eyes and over his plans for the national side, that Gareth Southgate is going to be the new permanent England manager.
Southgate, who has been doing the job on a temporary basis for the last few weeks, was fearfully grilled by the FA bods on Monday and, having emerged alive, he will reportedly sign a four-year contract to take the gig on full-time.
Of course, this process was such a formality that the Warm-Up wonders if they actually asked any questions at all. Perhaps they chatted about the weather. Perhaps they discussed Syria. Perhaps they just stuck some coffee on, ordered in some sandwiches and watched three episodes of Planet Earth.
Whether Southgate will do a good job, well, nobody knows, and won’t know until the World Cup, should England get there. But what we will know sooner is just how dim a view he takes on people playing the piano badly after a few drinks. He might wish he hadn’t bothered.
Jurgen is cut loose
Southgate – and indeed most of the country – might be keen to get that contract signed as quickly as possible, because there’s a man who’s consistently and bafflingly linked with the job, suddenly at a loose end.
Jurgen Klinsmann has been sacked by the USA, bringing to an end five years in which he has done not a great deal to enhance his reputation, or indeed justify any links with what are, with respect to our American cousins, bigger jobs.
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United States coach Jurgen Klinsmann has been sacked
Image credit: PA Sport
'Many are aware of the historic victories, including leading us out of the Group of Death to the Round of 16 in the 2014 FIFA World Cup,’ parped a statement from Sunil Gulati, head of US Soccer, ‘but there were also lesser publicized efforts behind the scenes. He challenged everyone in the US Soccer community to think about things in new ways, and thanks to his efforts we have grown as an organization and expect there will be benefits from his work for years to come.’
So who’s next? All reports indicate that Bruce Arena will return to the job he held until the 2006 World Cup, which would certainly comfort those of us who vaguely assumed he still had the job, and would seem like a perfectly sensible appointment. Given America’s recent record for the qualifications or otherwise of their chosen leaders, this would be a blessed relief.
Anyway, for old time’s sake, here’s Jurgen scoring a few goals soundtracked, naturally enough, by a ropey cover of ’99 Red Balloons’.
Mkhitaryan comes in from the cold
Well, well, well. If it isn’t Henrikh Mkhitaryan. Remember that guy? Bought by Manchester United in the summer then after one iffy game banished to the bench by an increasingly crabby Jose Mourinho? Well, he’s back. Or at least will be on Thursday.
“I told him on Saturday that he is going to be involved in the game against Feyenoord,” Mourinho said, of the player who has been kicking his heels for the best part of three months. “Obviously, he is not happy, but he is transforming his frustration in a good way, which is close the mouth and work hard and try to adapt.”
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Manchester United's Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Ashley Young on the bench
Image credit: Reuters
“I told him Arsenal was not the game for you,” Mourinho continued. “I don’t think he needs 10 or 20 minutes from the bench. I think you need a good game and you need to either start or, if not, to come on for the second half. He needs less pressure and better conditions for him to express his qualities.”
A ringing endorsement and no mistake.
IN OTHER NEWS
Blow back in Denmark
It’s blustery at the moment, and nowhere more so than in Denmark, it seems. At the weekend FC Midtjylland keeper Johan Dahlin lined up a goal-kick, put his foot through the ball and gave it everything he’s got. Alas, the windy conditions took it back from whence it came, and despite reaching the 30-yard mark blew the ball back towards Dahlin, after which he had little choice but to catch it again. For this, he was penalised by the referee…technically a correct decision, we suppose…but good lord, give the man a break.
HEROES AND ZEROES
Heroes: West Brom
And we all thought it was going to be a tedious 0-0 draw that would send most of us into paroxysms of boredom. Hats off indeed to West Brom, who we will now be dubbing ‘The Entertainers’ for their shoeing of Burnley, the 4-0 win hoofing them up to the top half of the table and representing a third of their previous goal tally.
They shared the goals around too, with Matt Phillips, Saloman Rondon, Darren Fletcher and James Morrison all bagging for the Baggies. So could this mean a new identity for Tony Pulis and his men? A new free-flowing, free-scoring set of players who dazzle us all every week? Almost certainly, yes.
Zero: Sean Dyche
Sean Dyche likes to see himself as a no-nonsense, English type manager. He rails against glamorous foreigners getting credit for stuff he’s already been doing. He doesn’t mess around with fancy formations. Four-four-effing-two. We imagine he unwinds by watching The Grand Tour, chuckling at just what those boys are going to do next. He’s quite possibly delighted that we’re going to get those blue passports back.
Frankly, he’s become rather tedious, so the more 4-0 hammerings he can suffer, the better.
HAT TIP
If managers, trainers, and the world at large were to be honest with young strikers, they would tell them that there would be lots of times like these: times of isolation, of inactivity. Periods of jogging around and going through the motions. Times of loneliness on the field. And this would not be their fault. It is not a consequence of laziness or an indicator of lack of quality. These moments of desolation can no more be blamed on the strikers than birds be damned for migrating as the seasons change. It is part of the natural process.
Goalkeeper is often seen as the loneliest position on the pitch, but Zito Madu explains that being a centre-forward has its share of solitude, too.
RETRO CORNER
With Spurs travelling to Monaco tonight, there’s only really one place to go for our trip to the past, where life was fine and you knew who your neighbours were. Here’s 20 absolute blooters scored by one Glenn Hoddle.
COMING UP
Baaa-baaaa-baa-baa-baaaaaaa – THE CHAAAAAAMPIONS! That’s right kids, the Champions League is here to save us all, and get this: Leicester City can qualify for the knockout rounds if they beat Club Brugge. What a truly wonderful world we live in. Elsewhere we have the afore-mentioned Monaco v Spurs, while Sevilla v Juventus looks like a spicy one too. Cristiano Ronaldo goes back to Lisbon to face Sporting with Real Madrid, while Borussia Dortmund face Legia Warsaw.
Tomorrow’s Warm-Up will be brought to you by Alex Chick, who might well be marking Leicester’s qualification for the Champions League knockout rounds. Good lord.
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