Hello and welcome to live coverage of West Ham United vs Swansea City. It's England vs Wales. It's Phil Brown's mentor vs Brian Laurdrup's brother.

Jarvis takes, after Nolan and Shelvey are told off for overfamiliar relations, but Swansea clear through Bony and Seansea break, and then slow the play down, which is an odd choice.

Jarvis drives to the byline and wins a corner on the right wing.

The first long ball to Carroll, and he reaches it, but the ball runs out to Swansea's defence. Michael Owen is on the commentary team, which is a rare treat for the ears.

Andy Carroll is on the pitch! How exciting. He's not injured yet. Swansea approach the West Ham half with calm possession.

Prediction time. West Ham 3-0 Swansea City, with a 10-minute Carlton Cole hat-trick. Bet your life savings on it.

There are ten minutes to go. Please get in touch with me on Twitter to give your valuable insight at @lxndrnthrtn.

West Ham have made some signings in the transfer window that have a little more pedigree. That's right, I'm talking about the re-signing of Carlton Cole on another short contract. Less excitingly, Boriello and Nocerino also make the bench. I've never heard of them. Italian internationals or something? No thanks!

You could and indeed should say that West Ham did better than Swansea. Swansea are struggling just as much as West Ham at the moment, and they have had little success in the transfer window. New signing David Ngog is on the bench, but fans should be concerned if that's really good enough. They almost certainly won't be relegated this season, but unless they reinforce in the summer they will struggle next season.

Michael Laudrup: "Every game is different, you have to play the way you think is best for your team in each particular game. West Ham did that (against Chelsea), they were very brave. Yes, they defended inside their own box a lot but they got a point at Chelsea, where under Mourinho they have not lost in I don't know how long. We tried a different way up there and we lost so you could say West Ham did better than us."

I do sometimes wonder why anyone takes anything any manager says at face value. The things they say are only as true as they need them to be. It's fairly obvious Mourinho was distracting from his failure. We all know that. Sam Allardyce knows that. And yet here we are, discussing it as if it has any real value as a comment. It doesn't. It won't. It didn't.

Sam Allardyce: "What he (Jose Mourinho) said about us I take as a great compliment. Jose invented parking the bus, don’t forget. I’ve played against his Chelsea side at Stamford Bridge when they’ve gone 1-0 up and he has put on two defensive midfielders. It’s perhaps a bit sad when he says things about teams who have played well against Chelsea but that is just his character."

TEAMS: West Ham: Adrian, McCartney, Nolan, Tomkins, Jarvis, Carroll, Taylor, Noble, Collins, Demel, Downing. Subs: Jaaskelainen, Reid, Morrison, C.Cole, Johnson, Borriello, Nocerino. Swansea City: Tremmel, Tiendalli, Chico, Williams, Davies, Amat, de Guzman, Shelvey, Dyer, Routledge, Bony. Subs: Cornell, Rangel, Britton, Pozuelo, Lamah, Hernandez, Ngog.