The Warm-Up: One step closer to zorb football

Updated 13/05/2020 at 08:33 GMT

Our beloved tackling is at risk, people.

Tackling is about to change...

Image credit: Getty Images

WEDNESDAY’S BIG STORIES

Still a long way from Premier League football

Just when you thought Project Restart couldn’t get more embarrassing, there was another twist. Players will be told to turn their faces away after being tackled when the Premier League returns, claim the Telegraph, as part of significant 'culture changes' in football.

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Get ready for the sheer panic as a bouncing ball runs towards two players. 'Am I in possession? Should I turn away if shoulder-barged? What if I win the ball, fall over him just as he turns his head and we lock eyes?'

It's going to be chaos... and potentially ratified when top-flight captains gather for a meeting with league bosses, the PFA and government officials at 10am today.

Oh well, at least players will have a chance to rehearse this in traini... wait… tackling is banned when training returns? This can’t go wrong then.

While we won’t honk the **NO TACKLING** klaxon in dismay just yet – the same protocols were in place when Bundesliga clubs returned to action – if you’re going to tweak the regulations, then: a) it’s probably not safe to play, and b) it’s probably not football anymore. Maybe it's time to accept that there is only one solution:

Players hit out

We have sympathy for footballers. Just because Kyle Walker hosted a sex party and Jack Grealish went for an early morning spin, it doesn’t mean every player is horny for disobedience. But with so many ulterior motives at play with relegation and European spots on the line, it’s hard to know who is speaking from the heart.

So when Danny Rose of basically-safe-and-suddenly-rich Newcastle United pipes up we listen. And as we’ve come to expect of Danny, he hasn’t held back:

Football shouldn't even be spoke about coming back until the numbers have dropped massively. It's b*******. Well see. I'm supposed to tested on Friday so we will just have to wait and see.

Raheem Sterling has also waded into the debate, insisting that he only wants football to return when it is safe – and not simply because the sport is desperate to resume:

Until then, I'm not scared but reserved and thinking what the worst outcome could be.

And then there’s Tyrone Mings who is sad that his opinion, and those of his fellow strugglers, doesn’t hold the same weight. Which we sort of agree with, but it doesn't help when bosses of relegation-haunted clubs are playing every Get Out of Jail Free card possible to avoid the drop.

RETRO CORNER

We’ve just stumbled across this glorious collection of Laurent Robert screamers, backed by the cheeriest of tunes. You’re welcome.

But we should probably mention the moment of football history on May 13. This:

Oh, and this happened too. We’ve probably got the order wrong here.

HAT-TIP

But David Hopkins has gone yet deeper into history for the Diagoras Stadium in Rhodes, opened in 1932 and named after the boxing champion from the classical Olympics. ‘Legend (and Wikipedia) has it that Diagoras died of happiness when his sons later won titles and carried him around on their shoulders at the games in 448BC, making him 2,380 years dead when the stadium opened.’

The Guardian answer the question you’ve always been too afraid to ask: which football ground is named after the most ancient historical figure?