World Cup Warm-Up: England win on penalties - the spell is broken!

Wilmar Barrios avoids a red card for ‘headbutting’ Jordan Henderson.

Yerry Mina’s stoppage time header bounces over Kieran Trippier into the roof of the net.

Henderson steps up to take England’s third penalty.

Henderson’s shot is saved. Of course it is.

Then something strange happened.

England stared into an abyss filled with 52 years of hard-luck stories, of lost bottle and no little rank incompetence, and decided:

The World Cup round of 16 began with a genuine classic. Kylian Mbappe’s thrilling speed and composure; goal of the tournament contenders from Di Maria and Pavard; that turbo-charged counter-attack to seal the French win.

It felt like witnessing the birth of a global star, and the dawn of an ultra-modern age.

The same round closed last night with... that.

One part football match, three parts wedding brawl. The sort of match that’s faintly embarrassing when you wake up, woozy-headed, and remember the entire world saw last night’s unravelling farrago. And yet despite the almost total loss of dignity, you can't help smiling with pride that you came out on top.

These were two matches with almost nothing in common – except that England inevitably lose both types of game.

They have yet to show they could win the first one against a French team in full flight. Few teams, if any, could.

But yesterday in Moscow they overcame half a century of demons, showed mental strength to surpass their football ability, and came through the sort of evening that always ends in tears and what-might-have-beens.

We can worry about how to beat France another time.

To be clear – the game, though enjoyably ill-tempered, was terrible. To say England were the better side is to single out the slickest passenger rail franchise or most likeable Question Time panelist.

And yet it’s impossible not to feel this was exactly what they needed.

It had the pancreas-mincing tension to remind everyone that knockout football isn’t easy. Anyone who watched last night and thinks England will breeze past Sweden is certifiable.

But while expectation might (read: definitely won’t) stay under control, there was enough to suggest things are different this time.

England faced down their greatest historical deficiency and won. And with list of penalty takers that was 60% Spurs.

Now sure – everyone wins a coin toss every now and again. But having spent 28 years bellowing PENALTIES AREN’T A LOTTERY at a succession of England bosses, let’s not just chalk this one down to luck.

And regardless, there’s a genuine positive momentum to these things. The reason Germany always win on penalties is because they know they’re going to win. They know this because they always win. And that knowledge delivers the confidence to win again.

England had the negative version of that – but the spell is broken.

It’s Sweden.

Zlatan doesn’t run. Zlatan prowls.

Not to be a buzzkill, but this John Obi Mikel story is pretty shocking. The Nigeria captain was informed hours before their game against Argentina that his dad had been kidnapped, and would be killed if he said anything.

Thankfully Mikel’s father has been released, and is now in hospital.

- - -

Meanwhile in Germany, Jogi Low stays.

Jordan Pickford. Obviously.

Oh wait, no. It’s Kyle Walker.

Nah, just kidding.

Genuinely lovely stuff here. Broadcasters should abandon all pretence of analysis and devote 100% of their airtime to ex-footballers reacting to stuff.

Speaking of ex-footballers reacting to stuff:

History? Pah! Who needs it, when you’ve got Eric Dier sneaking the winning pen past David Ospina?

No football today! Things resume on Friday with Uruguay-France and Brazil-Belgium, both of which should be genuinely excellent.