Evening all, and welcome to the in an absolute state derby. All being well, this evening should furnish us with some exhibition, vicarious misery; what more could anyone want?

Which makes that about us; thanks all for your company. Night!

So, a goal either side of half-time was enough to settle this one. Stoke will be very glad of that win, which moves them above Watford in the table - among others. From 15th, they now lie 11th; Watfrod drop down to 12th and have problems.

Full-time: Stoke City 2-0 Watford

This game is pietersing out. Clever, eh?

Kabasele lands one on Arnautovic, and is booked.

There shall be three added minutes.

Back to Crouch, I've literally no idea why Stoke would even consider not giving him a new deal. As a sub who changes things, how many better ones are there, especially given that he never relied on pace and is clearly a sound bloke.

Watfrod are pushing and Stoke are getting nervous, but with a two-goal advantage and two minutes to go, they'll be ok.

Elsewhere, Swansea have taken the lead again at Palace. There'll be a few pints of wine consumed round Croydon way tonight.

Affelay wriggles down the left, holding off Doucoure, but Kabasele does enough to clear, falling into the ball and lifting it away.

Wilfried Zaha has scored a scissors kicks for Palace, who are now level with Swansea.

Off comes Adam, with Whelan replacing him.

A messy phase of play ends with the ball bouncing about on the left of the Watford defence, and while Britos ponders the meaning of life, Walters nips in, haring away and thrashing a shot towards the near post that Gomes blocks clear.

All over at Bournemouth, where the hosts came closest to winning at the death. But 3-3 is how it finishes.

Folivi, a striker, replaces Prodl, a defender.

Some breaking news: Hull have fired Mike Phelan, who is of course the principle reason that they're rubbish and nothing to do with the lack of transfer funds nor permanent manager in the last window.

Arsenal have made it 3-3 against Bournemouth, and with six minutes of injury-time to be played, have time to get a winner. As do Bournemouth...

This is a good spell for Watford, but they could probably do with scoring.

Deeney finds himself on the left so comes inside, bending a cross into the middle, where Prodl is up. He does really well to guide a header down, but it bounces just beyond the far post.

Watford might have the most realistic social media voice.

Oh dear, that should've been 99! Allen carries the ball through midfield and finds Affelay on the right. who comes inside and curls over a cross. Crouch is up, but somehow manages to head sideways rather than goalwards, and Walters can neither control nor stay onside.