Evening all, and welcome to the in an absolute state derby. All being well, this evening should furnish us with some exhibition, vicarious misery; what more could anyone want?

It's a fair stroke of luck for Watford to be playing a Stoke without Affelay, Bojan and Shaqiri. Can they take advantage?

We're off!

Watford have an huddle; thus, come on Stoke.

So, three at the back plays three at the back; what on earth is going on. What's nice about these is that both will have two strikers, not quite in keeping with the vogue.

Here they come...

Watford have ten senior players missing, but those who are available are in the tunnel. It's on!

Is Crouch one of a dying bread, namely the centre-forward? I don't just mean because he's big, more because increasingly, clubs are just playing with a bunch of attackers, rather than one bloke who's job it is to score above all else. In similar vein, have wingers been replaced by wide atackers?

£43,560,000. The total amount for which Peter Crouch has been transfered during his career.

Peter Crouch has 97 Premier League goals, and, as he explained during a rather nice interview he gave one of those official Premier League shows, he's dead keen to get to 100. If Watford play as they've been playing, he's half a chance of doing it tonight.

Eff eff ess.

In case you're as dense as me, tonight's game kicks-off at 8pm, not 7.45pm as assumed.

Well, this is nice to see.

Watford in happier times.

Nowt to do with tonight's game, but while we're here, I chucked some words next to one another and a piece on Michael Carrick came out.

So, is Mark Hughes in trouble? I don't see the point, I must say. He has good players, and if he can get them fit at the same time, Stoke are a top-half team. If they fired him, who would they replace him with? Exactly.

That concludes the conversing with myself.

Stoke, meanwhile, were not that bad against Liverpool and Chelsea. They still got cleansed.

Watford were so, so bad against Spurs. Just thought I'd share that.

YES!