Evening all It's that time of the year again: Christmas pub clowns, enforced happiness and Arsenal set fair to make a mess of things. Their November was, as so often is, wretched, capped by the news that Santi Cazorla will miss three months. They are, as they say, 'in a bad several moments.' And so are West Ham. Fourth from bottom of the league, in that hideous stadium, and hot on the heels of that miserable midweek display. So, we're all set for exhibition unhappiness - lucky us!

Arsenal didn't actually play very well tonight, ridiculous though that sounds, but Alexis played like God's dad. He is an absolute hero, basically. He loves the game, he plays like he loves the game, and if you don't enjoy him you stink. Night-night.

Full-time: West Ham 1-5 Arsenal

Arsenal are knocking it about to the mirth of the away end, and almost score a sixth when Elneny plays Sanchez, who's run is timed to perfection, and he squares for Ramsey, but Reid saves a millionth of his team's blushes by sliding in to block.

The UK's premier pornographer looks unhappy with what he's seeing.

There shall be three added minutes.

There were some changes for Arsenal: Coquelin and Ozil went off, Iwobi and Elneny came on.

All of this being said, West Ham shouldn't use the brilliance of Sanchez to let themselves off a performance of utter abjectivity.

GOAL! West Ham 1-5 Arsenal (Alexis Sanchez) Stand up, clap your hands, stamp your feet, bring your dinner, do something, because this is so, so good. Ozil takes the ball inside his own half and feed Oxlade-Chamberlain, who has no appreciation of the game but slides one through to Sanchez. It's not about whether but about how, and what a how, Sanchez bustling through the middle, diddling the keeper by waving his foot over the ball before lifting into the net. That's as well-deserved hat-trick as has ever been scored. Tell everyone.

This was a game for about 36 seconds.

GOAL! West Ham 1-4 Arsenal (Oxlade-Chamberlain) How good is it to see him sorting it out?! Yerman comes in off the left, no one bothers challenging, and he unleashes an absolute screecher, which curls into the far corner, spitting and hissing with venom. Personally, I'd rather it punched me in the face.

GOAL! Arsenal 3-1 West Ham (Carroll) West Ham win a free-kick outside the box and Payet is there, whipping one against the upright. And his mates are wise to it, three of them racing after the loose ball as Arsenal netflix and chill, Carroll first to it to head home.

GOAL! West Ham 0-3 Arsenal (Sanchez) Take your gear and go home, Alexis Sanchez is just so, so good. The ball comes across the face of the goal, bouncing out of control of the mortals, and Sanchez loses his man by raising an eyebrow, then, as it bounces away from his touch, swivels and lashes a shot across Randolph and into the far corner. What a performance.

But here's Ayew, moving in off the right, cruyffing away from Monreal then beating him again on the inside and humping a shot that Koscielny does very well to block.

West Ham have managed nowt since conceding the second goal.

I love how much Alexis Sanchez loves football.

Arsenal have emerged again, Oxlade-Chamberlain exchanging passes with Ozil and drilling a low shot across the face that earns him a corner. He wastes it, but he's had a good game - he's a good player, but needs time to rid himself of the stupidity that plagues him.

West Ham send on Carrroll for Noble, but this game is now gone.

GOAL! West Ham 0-2 Arsenal (Sanchez) What a player! What a player! He comes short and spins, rinsing Masuaku, it's beautiful! So Ogbonna comes across and is done on the outside, then a whipped finish is sent hurtling low across Randolph. Arsenal's season is basically a character study.

The standard of Arsenal's performance this half is telling, I'm afraid. They're not even going to challenge in another open Premier League season.

Walcott, who's been ineffectual after exploding onto the scene during three games in September, is replaced by Ramsey,