Afternoon all, and welcome to the start of a frankly ludicrous night of football. Oh yes!

There's a fair row in the ground as Lozano controls a long ball, then comes inside and past Davies, who pulls him down. Free-kick PSV, 25 yards out, level with the right edge of the box...

The corner comes to nothing.

PSV are pressing Spurs high, forcing Lloris and Alderweireld to move the ball faster than they'd like - but they get it done and Spurs come away with the ball, Dembele easing through midfield. And suddenly there's space, Kane finding sSon down the right, and his cross is stuck behind for a corner.

But Lucas Moura doesn't mind, wriggling through midfield to waft a shot high and plenty.

The camera angle at the Philips is almost vertiginous.

Immediately, PSV are on the attack, Malen and Angelino streaking down the left, but Trippier is there to see them away.

Apparently Dele Ali will be back at the weekend, incidentally.

Away we go!

Ruud van Nistelrooy is here. He shares a warm hug with Mauricio Pochettino. I wonder if Michael van Gerwen is.

Here come the teams!

...no, two losses and a draw.

Didn't Arsenal once qualify for the knockouts after losing their first three games - 2003-04, I think...

In Brugge, Thierry Henry has given a 17-year-old goalie his debut. What could possibly go wrong?

Has anyone read Irvine Welsh's Glue? Marc van Bommel looked like what I imagine Juice Terry looks like.

Philisophy corner: why is Hirving so infinitely superior a name to Irving? Surely not just because of Irving Scholar?

"Much better team than Inter and PSV ... absolute certainties before the tournament," reckons Harrance Redknapp with characteristic wisdom.

Pochettino then makes an interesting point about not really caring about experience - it's a nice one, but I'm not sure it's quite true. Teams who win have knowhow.

"Mauricio, you've had your best start to a Premier League season, but it's absolutely irrelevant tonight, isn't it?"

Give me strength.

He says the team are happy to have started well - it's that which cost them the seasons they didn't nearly win the league - but know they haven't played anywhere near as well as they can.

Eric Dier says he doesn't mind where he plays. Course you don't, sweetheart.