Hello and welcome to live coverage of Manchester United v Bournemouth.

Francis plays a ball for Ritchie in behind Borthwick-Jackson, who hauls him back. The free-kick is an eyesore, missing everyone.

Something almost happens! United win a free-kick, left of centre and 35 yards from goal. Rooney's delivery is good, and with Cook playing everyone onside, Carrick finds himself alone in the middle of the box. But he mistimes his stretch and the ball proceeds behind, without him.

Nothing is happening, if that's not a philosophical impossibility. Can nothing happen? Because isn't nothing an absence of anything, in which case it can't happen because it doesn't exist.

United's players are going be right in the groove for Saturday after this workout.

This is both like every United home game and significantly worse than every United home game.

Martial beats Francis and scoops a ball over the top seeking Rashford. It doesn't reach him.

<Please do not adjust your sets> Lovely ball from Valencia, curled low and long behind Daniels and into the path of Lingard. But Daniels responds well and nothing further happens.

This England call-up to be maybe called-up seems to have really taken it out of Rashford - he's barely had a touch so far.

Blind unfurls a lovely ball over the top for Lingard, who controls well and could proceed goalwards, but instead lays back looking for and avoiding Mata. He's a funny one, Lingard - good movement and awareness, but mainly incapable of exploiting it.

Antonio Valencia almost used his left foot, but just managed not to have to.

The North Stand is to spectators as Prince William is to hair.

United win a corner down the right which Blind hits towards Carrick, alone at the back post. King, who lost him, panics when caught underneath it, but manages to get a flick on the ball which is enough to take it away from danger.

The last promoted side to do the double over United: Wimbledon in 1986-87

"Valencia's touch lets him down..."

Valencia, at the corner of the Bournemouth box, lays back a ball for Mata, who curves a cross over the defence for Martial. He nabs a yard and shoots into Francis' shins, winning a corner. It comes to nowt.

Presumably, United offered their security company complimentary tickets for Sunday's game.

There's a good chance this could be the worst game ever played in the history of football, which is an amazingly compelling thought. Pointless it being just a bit rubbish - hopefully the terams go for it properly.

Blind clears from the left corner of the United's half and Rooney lays off a lovely first-time volleyed pass to Mata. Naturally, United then go sideways and backwards.

A gentle start. Josh King appears to be playing in midfield for Bournemouth, with Wilson alone up-front.

And off we go: can United bypass the group stages of the Uefa Cup? Can Bournemouth finish 14th? In 90 minutes, we'll know!